Adam Has a Podcast Episdoe 1; Structure

Aye oh, welcome. It's Adam. with Adam has a podcast. We've been gone for a while, but by the popular requests by approximately like one person, we're back. now. And we're going to do this as a dolo adventure for the time being. A little solo doo, as Kid Cudi, we'll call it. In my hiatus, I've been doing like these things like little video diaries. And they're kind of cool. They're kind of fun. They're a really good, like, therapeutic kind of thing for what like if you don't like therapy and if you're like not totally insane, you can kind of talk some shit out with yourself and then you can kind of problem solve and then you got the recordings, so you don't have to worry about forgetting nothing. But my problem with those and why I haven't really like posted them nowhere is because I end up name dropping people too much. I don't I don't want to fuck it upload those. you know, just dropping tea all all over the place. So those ended up being more of like a personal thing to like sit in the vault. But now I'm going to try my best not to name drop in here. I'm trying out this new stuff. If you hadn't noticed, I have an intro. I just feel like the last hour trying to figure out how to make that intro work, how to make my microphone work, how to make my headphones work, how to make everything come out the way I wanted it. And I'm still even sure that this is just going to be like a learning process and I haven't really learned everything that, you know, there is to learn yet, especially because oof I'm just scratching the surface. I was just like, yo, let me get up and running with this software. There's too many buttons. I just want to know how to make it go, and that's it. And it was. I had to pull out chat you beat team and be like, hey, yo, how does this program work? Nah, nah, not Chat GPT. Google's got this cool thing. If you sign up for the Google Labs, you get like access to these like artificialial intelligence features. And one of them is every time you make a search, it'll generate a response to you. And it's a pretty, like, well written response, and it's pretty informative, to it. And then it gives you sources and things like that, which I thought was pretty cool. That's why I always thought Bard was a little bit better than than Chat GPT. Just because it gave you the sources, it was a little bit more detailed. went into a little bit more depth. And it had it had like live updates. Like something happened like an hour ago. You could be like, Ay, oh, Bard, what's the global situation? And it'd be like, according to news articles, but, you know, where headphones won't talk and it's fucking weird, man. I try not to swear, too. You know, I got to keep it. I got to keep it family friendly. I don't know why either. I really do not like the idea of like a family sitting down and listening to my podcast. You think that happens with just Joe Rogan podcasts? You think like families will sit down and like, oh, honey, the new Joe Rogan podcast came out. Get the kids. Gather round. The JBL. I'll cast it. We'll all listen. I actually had a structure for this shit. Yo, so part of practicing, too, was like learning how to like, um add structure and like, uh not have these big long gaps in me saying, uh, all the time. Especially where it's just solo dooo me. I got to really keep that momentum and energy moving. Like, I had to restart this one like four or five times because it was hard to just kind of you know, hook onto to the energy and just kind of coast with it. But, uh, I figured it out. I got it. I got it going. Speaking of structure, I did have a couple of few things that I did want to talk about, one of which being like, you know, how a daily structure, how structuring, you know, your life on a day-to-day schedule actually has way more benefit than I had previously thought. I had always been a very inconsistent person. And just recently, I reached like this tipping point where I was like, you know what? Nah, I'm not going to be inconsistent towards myself anymore. And I start doing these like, daily routines and things. Like, uh, I'll force myself to go out to the beaches skateboard. And you're like, that sounds funny. That sounds like something that would be kind of fun to do. Why would you have to force yourself? I'm telling you, like, after the fifth day, you don't want to go out no more. You're just tired. But I was like, nah, man, we just got to keep doing it. Don't give up on myself. What would Gargins think? The man's crazy as fuck. He's definitely an inspiration, because I, you know, I just push myself a little bit further. And it's not just like a casual skateboard rat. I'm doing like 10 miles at the most. Nah, at the most I've done is like around 12. But, um yeah, most days I'm averaging around like six. I'm keeping it easy these last few weeks too, because I haven't been feeling well. But yeah, that structure has really helped me kind of build around and making other things more manageable to a degree. Like if I get like a little bit irritated or I get a little bit overwhelmed or something, I know notice like, yo, I haven't gone skateboarding yet today. And then I'll go and I'll go skateboarding and then I'm a little bit better. Sometimes I'm a lot bit better. Other times I'm like, not that much better. But overall, nine times out of 10, after I actually like spend that energy, I find that most of those like troubling thoughts and like anxieties just like kind of melt away because my body don't have enough energy to do it anymore, but that's not just one part of the daily schedule and things like that in structure. Structure really does provide., you know, a jumping ground for you to jump off of. Like thinking back on it too, the structure in which the schooling system has integrated on my life is kind of big like a lifelong thing now. I, no matter what, I'm up before nine, every single day. I just I'm awake. I'm alive. I have so much like panicking anxiety from those 12 years of going to school and like having to wake up and be there on time and just be there on a certain schedule that my body is just programmed for that schedule now. And I noticed to myself, too, that it takes, like, you know, three weeks of determined effort to really kind of like shift the schedule around. Like, I started a job and then it was really difficult for me to wake up at first. And then, uh, you know, right around like week three, halfway through week two, I was noticing that I started waking up automatically at like five in the morning rather than sleeping in until like 9 or like 7, I would just be like, ding, I'm awake now because I had stressed myself out into that kind of like regiment and schedule. Schedules was totally not the thing that was on my list of fucking shit to talk about. I'm talking about fucking structure and I'm already like seven minutes in. I don't know. I don't know how to read the timer on this fucking app yet. Seven minutes in on a tangent. talking about structure. I guess, too, maybe that will tie into like maybe the structure of the shows. So maybe it's going to mostly be solo doo for a while. The release schedule is going to be a little bit inconsistent. It's today? Today is Thursday. Yeah, I'm finished you for Thursdays. Thursdays are always pretty shitty days. So, you know, if you had a Thursday pick me up, that would be pretty cool. Yo, Tuesdays are pretty shitty for me as well. So maybe I'll do like a Thursday, Tuesday thing. I' Some with me, I don't do well with T- days for some fucking reason. So I usually oftentimes see the days that I don't do well on as opportunities to push myself a little bit harder. So maybe Tuesdays, Thursdays, I also oftentimes see it like everybody hates a Monday, so I kind of like enjoy Mondays for some fucking reason. I just really like Mondays. It's like everybody's quiet. Everybody's fucking chill chill. Nobody's being obnoxious. All your energy is low. It's Tuesdays that really get me. It's just like, ah, I put on my all my energy into the Monday fucking basket. Now it's Tuesday? Shit, I mean, no, Tuesday was coming again. Tuesdays are like my Mondays. And Thursdays, it's just, I'm an impatient person sometimes. And Thursday is just like that day that was like programmed into my brain as being like a day of anticipation. Like, oh my God, Friday's tomorrow. Oh my God, I got a test tomorrow. Oh my God. Like, Thursday was the fucking day before shit got real, usually. So. Maybe I'll try to mend that, you know, personal traumas towards Thursday, too Tuesday by focusing on recording a podcast on those days. But let me go back to my structure of which that I wanted to talk about today. I want to talk about spirit animals and shit like that. It kind of does go into what I was talking about, because I've been forcing myself to go skateboarding every single day. And some days I'm like, oh, why am I even going out? Other days, I'm like, oh, I hope I run into a pretty lady and I can get her done. And that's, like, my only reason for going out. And then, like, other days, it's like, uh, man, I'm just like, so excited. I just can't stop. And I just like keep going on my skateboard. I just want to go faster and faster and faster and faster. And I don't really see anything going on around me, and I end up missing a whole bunch just because I want to go super fast. And then lately I've been trying to slow myself down, just kind of really enjoy the moment. I was big into meditating for a while, for like my whole life. My dad started me out on it when I was pretty young, like three years old. And, uh.. I don't know. Two, three years ago, maybe now, I kind of got back into it really heavily because it just really helped. reground myself and give my brain a space to just kind of wheoo. And it was more than like three years ago. It was when I started smoking weed, I think, mostly to, because weed forced this like pseudo awakened, like, catatonic state on me sometimes, like pseudo meditation where, you know, in meditation, you have to like force yourself not to move and you'll like sit still. And when I got like super fucking high the first few times, I would I would not be able to move no matter what. I would like be like, oh, no, what's happening. And then I'd make my final move to like the toilet to go throw up and then I'd be stuck there for like an hour. And uh I don't know how I smoke so much wheat now because like it was such a, I think I'm afraid to go through that fucking roller coaster again. I think that's what it is. It was so hard building my tolerance to weed. And it was such like a, like a crazy adventure that now that my tolerance is high, I don't ever want to let it drop again. And like, I'll quit for like a day or so sometimes. And like my tolerance drops and then I get waking fucking high. And I'm like, whoa, hold on. I need to start smoking every day again. And then the cycle continues. But yeah, I think the marijuana forced a pseudomeditative state on me. It also kind of chilled me the fuck out. Like, I don't know. You talk to some people, I don't think they'd see a difference outwardly sometimes. Because I definitely got like a little insane when I got fucked up sometimes. But if you ask some people, yeah, I definitely did probably kind of chill out. Like. with being a dickhead and shit, as soon as weed was introduced. I kind of definitely, like, started to actually feel and acknowledge my emotionsotions more, rather than be like an empty vessel. So yeah, I got really into meditation for a while there. And then I moved and It was before I moved. I've been going through some shit for a minute, but, um I just kind of stopped. I was like, eh, I don't know. I felt like I reached like the apex of what meditation is. And I kind of forgot that it's like a daily practice and something that you have to like continually do every single day. Oh my God, we're going back to structure and regiment. But.. I've been trying to get back into it now that I've like moved and I'm like in my own space again, and I'm kind of like away from things back where they were. And, it's been hard, like, going through that gate again, going, going back through the tunnel of like, oh, my God, all of these things that bother me that didn't bother me before, and why are they bothering me suddenly? And it's like, I almost forgot, like, oh, dude, these did bother you before. You were just so young when you learned to get over them that like you it wasn't really like your first forethought when you thought about these kinds of feelings, but like, once I meditated on it and I kind of sat there and shit, I remembered over time that like, oh my God, I've faced this feeling before and I've already conquered it. I've already gotten over it. So today at the beach, I was sitting there and sometimes when I meditate, I have really sensitive senses. So I'll just be eavesdropping and shit. And listening is the best way for me to kind of like keep my mind empty. I saw some shit the other day that was like, uh, How does one keep such a loud mind quiet and then there's like a picture of a train going by and it's like the roar of the train washes away everything else. It's very accurate. You know, if you're listening, you can't really be like too deeply thinking about something. So I'll try to like eavesdrop. I'll like listen to like the people's footsteps as they move by and like determine their distance or I'll listen to the waves cryashing. And to a degree, I can kind of feel people's energy moving around me. And today there were like these three girls and I heard one of them say, man, he's just sitting there staring at stuff. And I was like, baby, you don't know how long I can sit and stare. And then I went and I found like a more comfortable spot that was like close by that I could like lean back in because the spot I was sitting and like didn't have a back to it. So I moved to a spot, with a back to it, that I could lean back and then I just start meditating and I was just going ham for like a little while. And there was this like certain kind of like energy release and like relief that you can find through meditation. I'm not going to go too deeply into it because it's more of like a Each person is at a different level kind of thing. And you can't really speak about it generalized. But I was just kind of doing my thing, chilling out. And then I get the urge fucking like, look up and I see this hawk chasing a sparrow through the sky and they're doing these sick loop de loos and all of this like super acrobatic aerial kind of nonsense. And this hawk is trying to kill this sparrow, man. It is going for it. This hawk is hungry. And I've watched it the whole time and it took it into the trees and then like took it down and then it like just like, I don't know, it just fucking killed it. And then I was still watching and it flew away. And as it flew away, I saw the sparrow in its fucking talents. And I was like, well, this is the best time if any to get up again. And I waited a few minutes, actually, because I noticed that the ladies were leaving and I got like socially anxious and I didn't want to be like, well, I'm leaving now because they're leaving and then they're going to know that I'm leaving because they're leaving and they're going to think that I was only ever sitting here so I could look at them. So I sat there for a few more minutes. And then I got up again, and I was like, oh, the hawk is gone. And then it doubled back and it started flying above my head and it was like leading me for like a good, like, I don't know, a quarter mile and we were like flying together and like skateboarding and it was wicked sick because, uh, this morning, I don't know, I don't really follow anybody on Instagram, but I'll be DMing people random shit and then I'll just watch their stories because, um, you know, it's there and I see it. And Dane Cook, I DM'd him the other day just just for shits and giggles, just for funsies. He sent out a song today. and he's like, listen to this in your car, your speakers turned up and you're welcome. It was called Breakaway by Big P. And in that song, it's like, I want to fly like a bird. And I was like, yo, this is so Kismet. It's like the song or earlier. And then I see this bird and it's like leading my way and I'm like flying like the bird right now, man. I'm I'm just a human, man. I'm just doing human stuff and I'm I'm just like the bird doing bird stuff, man. And I fucking chased it down for a few minutes. And then later on, there's these like little hills that I have to go down to get to like the path again. and I got to cross the street and I got to go down the hill. And when I was crossing the street and going down the hill, I was slowing down on my skateboardboard and then this fucking crow started flying behind my fucking head, man. And it was Khan. It was like, ah! And then I was like, fuck it. And I called back and I was like, ah ah! And then it started like following me dead ass, like, like following me, like, like straight out a movie, straight out of, like, anime type shit. I was like, no fucking way am I one with nature today. So I also, going back to structure, I pulled up earlier, like, uh, what is the spiritual meaning? of uh a sparrow being like chased down by a hawk. And I kind of wanted to share it here and this was kind of like my inspiration to be like, yeah, I'm going to record that in the podcast. Speaking of structure. You know, I gave myself a little bit of structure. I gave myself something to talk about wasted 20 other more minutes talking about it. other stuff. That's okay, though. Life is a journey and enjoy the ride. It's not all about the destination. Ah, but yeah, this also goes back into that Google shit I was talking about earlier, too, because I'm using one of their generative AI shits to generate the answer to my question, what does a huckk catching a sparrow symbolize spiritually? And this is what Google says. A hawk catching a sparrow can have several spiritual meanings, including successful attainment, abundance. I don't get this one. Community cooperation, friendship, harmony, and the power of tribe. Yeah, okay. The hawk is eating the sparrow. It's kind of like a dolo adventure. So I don't I don't really see that. A symbol of the Holy Spirit? fuck with that. That was definitely the Holy Spirit coming to fuck around with me today. A vision of freedom. Oh, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. A vision of freedom. Hell yeah. If you if I could fly like a bird. I want to run away. I don't know a little the lyrics. I gotta stop before I.. A need to receive a message and prepare for big changes in your future. That's hopeful. That's part positive. That's inspirational. Seeing through the heart of events and synchronicities, they're trying to lead us to our greater goals in higher good. Yo, that's so ironic because that thing that I was talking about earlier with the song about Big Pigs,, it's not about big pigs. It's about birds. It's called Breakway. It's about like wanting to be like a bird and like flying away and breaking away from the chains that are binding you, you know, down. So I fuck with it. That's heavy. That's kizmet. That's synchronous synchronous. You know what's a good movie speaking about synchronicities, that movie synchronicity? What if they come out with this fucking drug that can that can make certain people, not certain people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes people who don't have calcified pineal glands temporally transport. No, no, no, wait, wait, wait. If you if you took a lot of this drug, you would be transported through time. Just like you just fucking disappear.appear. Like, this drug would just send you through time. And if your pineal gland was calcified, you would get stuck in the past, or you would get stuck in between time. And Anthony Mackie, who's the main guy in the movie, he ended up having like a brain tumor, but this brain tumor was like adventantageous because it prevented his pal gland from calcifying. And then, like, somebody's daughter was experimenting with the drugs and like, she was a close family friend or some shit and she took way too much and got lost, like in dinosaur times. So this dude, like, developed a drug habit going back in time, traveling around, trying to find her and like save her. And he also like ran a whole bunch of experiments, like, determining if it was even worth it and if he could even like bring shit back, which like he could uh I don't know. Crazy movie. Definitely watch it. Yeah. Synchronicity. Synchronicity with Anthony Mackie. Just look up Anthony Mackie. You'll find it. Look up synynchronicity. You'll find Anthony Mackie. It's synchronicitous. They're both part of the same hole. I don't even know what I'm on about right now. See, you know, I usually do these high as fuck, but I'm like the most sober I've been in a while. I haven't even hit my, like, nicotine vape because I'm, like, talking and I don't want there to be a silence because I'm the only one talking. And I know if I hit my vape, you'll just hear.. Just for like 30 seconds straight. And I don't really feel like doing that. But yeah, most people are like, dude, how, like, are you, like, have you done like a lot of psychedelics in the past or some shit? And I'm like, nah, man, Awakening is achievable through all manners of awakening, man. I don't know. Fuck you. Wake up to that. Wake up and smell that fulges, bitch. All right, let's get back to the structure here. A hawk catching a sparrow could also mean freeing yourself from thoughts and beliefs that are limiting your ability to soar above your life in gaining a higher power. perspective. You can see why reading this like inspired me to be like, oh, I'm finna drop a cast tonight.. Especially just because I've been thinking about it for a while. And, you know, people have been telling me, you know, all one of them, uh, hey, you should do that. And I'm like, hey, I should do that. And, uh.. That one about the midgets, I couldn't have that up for too long. Maybe it's like an anniversary thing. I'll just drop that, like for a day or two, and I'll be like, a, oh, this is only going to be out for a day. But I couldn't have that being like the last iteration of my podcast. So I had to I had to come back and reevaluate it. I had some really fire ones for a minute there, but just like the universe came in and like wiped them off my hard drives and shit. It's just. Learning curves. Learning curves. But hey, man, I'm freeing myself from those thoughts and beliefs that we limiting to my ability, and now I'm ready to soar above my life and gain up higher perspective. Getting back to it, a hawk catching a sparrow mid-flight, is also a sign from your spirit whm that you're ready to take on a largerger, more powerful expansion and vision of your world, which is kind of accurate. In a sense, I really feel like this was like a spirit animal kind of like awakening thing. Your spirit animal can like change over your life, and you can have like many different spirit animals. But this is definitely like, you know, one of those kisme moments that I was like, yo, that's that's my spirit animal right there. But I've been doing this thing as I skateboard every single day where I noticed that I scowl and then as soon as I start to feel like my muscles burning and shit, I really put on a scowl. I put on like just oh shit, I don't have a camera going. I put on this like upset face. And I don't, I totally, I'm not upset. I totally don't mean it. It's just like the way that my face contorts. It's just resting bitch face. I have RBF. Except it's resting angry face, RAF. So I was like, yo, fuck that. I don't want to be a scary person. I don't want to be like some weirdo who's always mad at stuff. I'm going to be skateboarding every single day. Like, I'm going to be here every single day. I might as well try and make a different impact rather, you know, just on my body. Might as well make an impact on my mind too. So I started forcing myself to smile. I was like, if I can force myself to do anything, and then I can force myself to smile too. You really can just like do anything. Like, I don't know, man. Connotation is such a devil. People add these kinds of connotations and these limits on to you, but you can literally do anything. Like, right now, I'm struggling with not taking down the international data data transfer cable. Like, that's something that, like, just came to me in a passing fancy and now I'm like, fuck, that could really fuck shit up. That would be kind of funny. That would be kind of fun. Maybe I should do it. I regret saying that, because that's like one of them dark bots. That fucking cable runs right into where near I live, man. I could just then China, Russia, you crank all of you, you fucking off the map. You don't know what the fuck America's about. We don't know what the fuck you're about. I cut the cable.. You can't do shit like that. You can't just be be a heinous fucking dickhead. I don't even. I'm going to pause it for a minute because I don't even fucking remember what I was talking about. I might just cut that out. I'm going to let it riff. I went back and reminded reminded myself what I was talking about. And part of me thinks it's untrue to edit my shortcomings and humanisms out of a podcasts because, you know, fucked up. I'm a human. I ain't perfect. I forget shit. I fuck up. I gotta go back. That's why Solo doo's great. That's also why Solo doo kind of sucks, because I gotta pause and go back. But what I was I was getting at before I digressed with my hand heinous dark thoughts about just fucking absolutely taking down the internet. That was a Baja blast, by the way. Mountain Dew, if you want to sponsor me, I. I don't know, man. We'll draft up a contract. I'll do some shit for you. You do some shit for me. Lifetime Supply Baja Blast.. But that's like the dark extreme. Not Baja Black. Blast. Baja Blast is like a decadent delicacy that deliciously dances daringly. and dallantly. I don't know. I don't have no more D words. Down. my belly. Nah, nah. wanting to do something that would ultimately inconvenience a large amount of people is like the. dark. I don't know if the word recursive is the right kind of word. It's like like the dark opposition. I don't know. It's like the other side of the spectrum. It's like the complete opposite side of the spectrum of doing whatever you want. You can do whatever you want. And then people oftentimes, when it's harmless acts at these kinds of fucked up connotations onto it, make you feel like you just murdered a baby. And then you get out into like the actual world. and a lot of those connotations that people added on to those things, you realize that they only put those connotations on them. So if you don't do them, and they themselves do them all the time. They're like, oh, yeah, yeah, you just can't do that. The whole world does that, though. And it kind of seems a little bit unfair. And that's how, you know, sometimes you get people who are like, hmm, I'm upset. But you can just literally choose to do whatever you want. You want to pick a new favorite color. You want to pick a new favorite number. These are all harmless things that you can just be like, yeah, fuck it up. I'm doing whatever the fuck I want. You want to go talk to a pretty lady in the street? Fuck it. Yeah, you can go do that. She might mace you. She might fucking project you. She might even give you her number and be like, hey, oh, I'm never going to fucking talk to you again. But here's a fake number. Or you could totally win. You could totally win in the situation in an unimaginable way that you never even thought of. But you got to let yourself live and you got to let yourself experience and you got to let yourself kind of get out of your own little bubble a little bit because then you'll have those things Like, man, I should just cut the internet cable and fuck it up for everyone that you just like think about that just come out of a feeling of feeling like totally powerlessness. So me myself, I was like, fuck that feeling of powerlessness. I'm going to take it back. I'm going to take it back all internally. And I'm going to stop letting these people in this world turn me into a bad person or make me feel like a bad person or make me do things that feel bad on the inside to my gut, but they're telling me you're good. I just said, fuck that. I'm done with that. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm so sick and tired of that. So then I started forcing myself to smile. No matter what, no matter how much my legs hurt, no matter how much pain I was in, no matter how sweaty, no matter how much out of breath, no matter how much I want to just keel over and throw up and cramping and this and that, I just gotta smile. Just gotta do that all night shit. You just got to smile. Because then at first, I was really concentrating on those other people that were pushing themselves just as hard as me. And I was seeing that smile reciprocated because they saw the pain in my eyes. And they were like, I see what you're doing, kid. And at first, you know, I wasn't really trying to pay attention to that many people. I I was just really looking for those people that were like, you know, forcing themselves to go out and be on the same level as me. And then I was like offering them that smile, like, yo, we're doing it, we're out here. We got this, we're out here, we're doing it. We're doing it. And oftentimes they would smile back or they would be happy or, you know, something. But over time, I noticed there's just there's just these fucking dickheads that will like scowl at you for like the entire time that they're in your field ofision. They'll just fucking scowl at you and they'll lock eyes with you and they'll try to. They're hardest. They will try so hard to like take your smile away with their like shitty fucking little beef, fucking sad eyes and their little scowly face. And I don't know, man, Those people just make me laugh so fucking hard now because, like, the more more I smile, the more they scowl and it's really just like you can see them reacting to like me just enjoying life. And they're reacting so negatively to me just like trying to better myself that it's a great litmus test of like, yo, I'm not fucking with that person. Yo, fuck with that person. Yo, that person smiled back at me. yo, that person did it. The kind of a funnier thing that I notice is. So I'll go all the way to like the end to a certain point and then I'll double back to get back to my car. And the funny thing I noticed is sometimes when people, like randos catch eyes with me and they see me smiling, they'll smile the first time because it's a pretty big, goofy fucking smile. Like, I will dry my lip above my top teeth so that my lip sticks and that my smile is just like this huge grin because it forces me to keep the smile. I notice that like, I will lose the smile subconsciously over time. So I did something to force it to stay. It's just this big, stupid, goofy looking smile. And people at first with little smile and they be, ha ha. But then when I double back and I come back around, I've had this happen a couple of times where people are just like, yo, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why the fuck are you smiling like that? Those people, I enjoy them too. Anybody that I confuse with my smile, oh, such a good little laugh. Because they just look so confused by like a genuine, like, I'm just enjoying life right now. It has nothing to do with you. I'm doing me. You just happen to catch a glimpse of it. And they get so bewildered and confusedused and sometimes they start looking around and shit. They're like, they look behind them and they're like, what the fuck is he smiling at? It fucking confuses them so much. And that's what I mean when I mean, like, you can literally do anything because on that one side of the spectrum, I wanted to fuck with like a mass amount of people. So I was like, yo, let me cut that one cable that fucking runs from China to the U.S and carries all of our data. That will fuck with a lot of people. But that's kind of heinous. But it's only heinous because it has the connotation of societal structure behind it. It's not really truly heinous. It's just like an act. It's just a thing. It's just something. And if you take it from that perspective of it just being something, then me smiling is actually being way more effective on a more personal scale and in the same kind of instance, because I'm fucking with people. still, I'm still fucking with them. I'm still confusing the shit out of them. But I'm doing it from a lens of positivity. I'm doing it from a lens of growth. I'm doing it from a lens of like, yo, I'm trying to better myself right now. You don't really matter. And, that kind of fucks with people. Those scowarly people, they are like like a treat, my guy. I don't know. Like I have those people that like smile at me back and it's like, nice and like, you know, pretty ladies will smile at me. They'll see my smile. And they' like some of them, it's funny because they're really trying, really hard to hide their smile because they just can't help but smile at me. Like this one lady was smiling looking at me today and then she took off her fucking hat to cover her face. And I was like, yo, you don't need to do that. But, um. Yeah, a smile is just like such a little fucking thing that I decided to change. And it seems like something that's so like inconsequential, but to force myself to like smile constantly and make it an unchanging variable really just revealed so much about the world around me because now I had this one thing that I was sure of. I was like, yes, I'm smiling at everybody, no matter who you are, no matter what you are, no matter what you got going on, you deserve a smile. And then I get to see those kinds of people, like those people that want to foster a smile, those people that enjoy positivity. And then those people that are just like absolutely vehemently opposed to positivity. And I don't know, I'm learning a lot about energy and going back to the spirit animal thing that I was talking about in the beginning, that was definitely like a kismet kind of opportunity to really kind of get in touch with myself because I was sitting there and I was forcing myself to meditate. And I kind of wanted to move and I kept wanting to like walk around and I was like, nah, man, I gotta I gotta find that relief. I gotta do it. I know how to do it. I know how to do it every single time without a shadow of without, I know what's going to work. I just got to sit here and find that relief. And then I was starving too. And then to like open my eyes and see like a hawk, like, catching its own food, it kind of like, you know, sturge something up inside of me. And I was like, yo, we got we gotta get moving with this shit metaphysically and physically, and then I hop right back on that skateboard and My problem, too, though, I spoke on it a little bit earlier. Sometimes I'd just be going way too fast and I don't really be paying attention to the world around me, which is kind of like what's going on here. Suddenly we're at 41 minutes in. I think I've reached the end of my structure. I said the Baja last thing. Yes, the Baja last fucking ad was part of the structure. Because I really want that Baja blast, bro. Be Baja.a blasting me off into the atmosphere. But, um... Oh, oh, yes. Oh, my God. Yes. Now that we're reaching the end of the structure, I actually did have a closing statement. So I think I want to start closing things off with they have this thing. It's a book. It's called a Manual for Living. Also called the Enchyridian. It's by Apicitus. So.. I like it. I like to do this thing. My mom taught me it when I was younger, and my dad's always like, I taught your mother that. But whatever. I don't give a shit. I know it now. One of them two bastards taught me something. Wow, that's surprising. Something that wasn't traumatizing, and then they taught me it? Whoa! No, you know. But they taught me this thing that if you ever, like, feel lost or you have a specific question or you're just like wondering about something, you go to the Bible and you open up the Psalms section and you close your eyes and you flip the pages around and you just open up to a random psalm page and you put your finger down and you read whatever psalm that your finger is on. And usually, if you like, you know, did it with your intentions and stuff correctly, you'll actually end up on like a psalm that's pretty accurate and pretty Synchronicitous. Yeah, there we go. Bringing this ship back full circle. It's pretty synchronicous of the situation that you're in. So today, uh. I got a Bible and stuff. I don't really like always doing it with the Bible because when you have things like a manual for Living or the Enchyridian, you kind of get the same teachings that are within the Bible, but you don't really get that biblical lens. Like. A lot of the parables in the Bible are actually based off of Aesop's fables. A lot of people don't know that, that Aesop's fables were actually probably the parables that Jesus himself was taught. And then those parables were, you know, put through the lens of Jesus, and he went out and he told the story his own way in his own different kind of way. But today, I was kind of stuck. I was kind of, I just, I didn't want to go out, but I knew I wanted to go out, but I didn't want to go out, but I knew I wanted to go out. And I was just very stucked. And lately, I kind of lost the purpose of which why I was going to the beach every single day. I kind of forgot that I promised myself that I would go to the beach every day as a promise that I'm not giving up on myself. I'm not going to give up on me and the things that I want and I desire and that I think are good for me just because other people suck. So I made that promise to myself and today I was just like, I'm tired, I don't want to do it. I just don't. And uh I was on TikTok for a while, and TikTok's weird. They be doing like they be giving you shit to motivate you. But part of it too, is I've been wanting to get like a six-pack. My siblings have had six packs. My two older siblings both had six packs while I was growing up. And I've been trying my whole life and it's just fucking impossible. My muscle density is like different. So it's very difficult for me to build those pretty show off muscles and like those six packs and shit. It's all different. And I really got stuck in that vanity kind of like lens of why I was working out. I was like, I'm working out for vanity, and like, it's not even working. So like, what's even the point? I'm destroying my body in the process of trying to make it more beautiful. I'm so achy and tired. I was just being a little bitch. So then, uh, I flipped open the Enchyridian and I landed on this one. Uh, Decency and inner beauty are more valuable than appearance. Huh. And it gives it gives you the big quote, and then it gives you an explanation behind it. And that's kind of, hmm, what's that? That's a little decency and inner beauty are more valuable than appearance. And then we're going to go into the explanation. Females are especially birdsdened by the attention they receive for their pleasing appearance. From the time they are young, they are flattered by males, or evaluated only in terms of their outward appearance. Unfortunately, this can make women feel suited only to give men pleasure, and her true inner gifts sadly atrophy. She may feel compelled to put a great effort in time into enhancing her outer beauty and distort distorting her natural self to please others. Sadly, many people, both men and women, place all their emphasis on managing their physical appearance and the impression they make on others. Those who seek wisdom come to understand that even though the world may reward us for wrong or superficial reasons, such as our physical appearance, the family we come from, and so on. What really matters is who we are inside and who we are becoming. Who? I'm getting I'm getting goosebumps. Do are barking in the distance. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That was that kind of summed up all of the problems that I've been dealing with lately. And I think that's a good place to kind of leave it here. Maybe I'll give you a little afterthought explanation of my thinking on that, so. for me personally, I lost sight of why I was working out. And then to have this kind of little passage, be like, "E oh, why were you working out?" Reminded me that I wasn't working out to fix my physical appearance. I was working out to fix my character to fix my stickuitiveness, to fix my determination, to really feel the full extent of my will power, and to see how far I can go. And I forgot. I got distracted by all the pretty ladies at the beach. I got distracted by all the superficial nonsense going on around me that I forgot the true purpose of which that, why I was even doing the thing that I was doing in the first place. Which, for me, was to test myself. In in testing yourself, you learn greater knowledge about yourself, which some would call true wisdom.. True wisdom is knowing yourself through and through. So that's what really matters, who you are on the inside, through and through, and who you are becoming and who you want to become. because your wants can most certainly change the trajectory of where where you're heading. If you want the right things and you set your sights on them properly and you work your way through it systematically, nothing can stop you. If you got a solid plan, ain't nothing gonna stop you. But unfortunately, we forget all the time, because the world rewards us for all these silly reasons and we get things that we don't deserve, and then we do deserve things that we don't get, and then yada, yada, yada, left is right, right is left. Hey, did you know that my right knee is tattooed left? And then my left knee is tattooed right, as actually a symbology of the exact thing that I'm talking about. Because when somebody looks at me from dead on, from their perspective, it's right. and it always trips people up and they go, oh, wait a minute, that's wrong. And then they start laughing. And that's the point of it, because when you're looking at a mirror, when you're looking through somebody else's perspective, things always get confused. Left is right, right is left, up is down, down is up. Confusion is par for the course. But in accepting confusion, you learn, you grow, you mature, and suddenly you're less confused. And hopefully, by the end of this podcast, you guys are all less confused or a little bit more confused. I don't really know. I don't really know how to end these things. Usually, the video diaries end in rambling and chaos. So, for here, I'm going to end it on a special note of me telling you. Take a little time for yourself today. Look in the mirror, smile, and try to find one silly thing to be grateful for. and then maybe I'll see you Tuesday or Thursday.