Adam Has a Podcast Episode 7; Dear Diary

*intro* I’m in the middle of it right now. and I figured the best way to figure out if it is something I want to be in the middle of would be to analyze it in a podcast seemed like the best way to analyze it. I don't know. I'm getting into parts of my myself that I'm like, "Man, I don't want to show people that I wanted to keep up the facade. But another part of me is like, "F facade, it's facadeade. I don't want a facade it anymore. The fuck is a facade facia fac I'm sitting here in the dark and I'm just thinking about stuff. But taking out the laptop made too much light for me to have the same opinions and thoughts thoughts and ideas. So now I have to work off of the memory of the conclusions that I drew rather than coming from a point of continuedness. It's like the recorder ats a layer of separation between the translation of my feelings into words and thoughts. I don't even know what my feelings are anymore. It's just I'm sitting here in the dark and when I have my eyes open, there's just enough light that I see these moving waves of energy and there are dark waves, there are waves of darkness moving about in my vision and I'm not gonna get into the explanation of that whatever there's 1 million ways to explain it scientifically spiritually. I don't care anymore. I just see these clouds of darkness waving over me and around me and becoming part of me. But when I close my eyes and darkness is the overwhelming sensation that is there, then those waves of darkness, those clouds, they become waves of light. They're brighter than the surrounding darkness. So then... different aspects of their characteristics can be shown off. You can see the light in the dark once the dark becomes dark and enough, but for some reason in the city, it never becomes dark enough for you to see true darkness. Yeah, there's gotta be something spiritual there there, but I don't care anymore. I'm just.. I'm at this point where everything I think do and say, everybody else is thinking, doing, and saying it, or they're doing the opposite of it. And it's just. a consequence of the algorithms, maybe. Algorithms are trying so hard to match you up with relatable content so you stay on the app that it's becoming gross to a point where it feels like you can never ever ever ever have an original idea or something that you own ever again. It's all just it's getting me very upset. very angry at a lot of things because I'll say something and I'll have a thought and I'll have an idea. And then somebody else will say something and they'll have a thought and they'll have a correlating idea. And they'll want to hold on to ownership of that thought so hard that they'll just start bullying people that also come up with that thought instead of, you know, enjoying the unity and the synchronicity that is there. And I've seen both sides. I've thought I've come up with original original stuff before, and then gotten angry that people have come up with the same things, and I've thought I've come up with original stuff before, and I've gotten really happy and excited that people have come up with similar ideas. I just wish people would lean more towards becoming excited about finding community and unity rather than gatekeeping and trying to bully people and. I was raised with the saying that if if there's going to be a bully in the room, it's going to be me. Now, just that saying being said around you, no matter who's saying it, you interp internalize it, and it becomes part of you. Just the words, me, I, you, the way that we interpret that., have the ability to change our brain, no matter who's saying them. So when you say something like, "If there's going to be a bully in the room, it's gonna be me, then you hear I'm the bully. If somebody starts bullying me. It doesn't matter who's saying that. The me doesn't matter. I said that twice because that's what matters, is that it doesn't matter. People hear me, I, you, and they internalize it. And I' lived my whole life like that, man. just. Oh, you thought shit was sweet is the saying that keeps popping up in my head. "You thought this shit was sweet, huh? You dumb.. That's consulting. See? I had to stop myself. You really thought that shit was sweet, though, huh? I have to stop myself. Because you guys think you're playing some fun little game and all this shit is sweet and it's fun and it's a good time and ha ha ha ha ha. But, man, I done come up with some of the harshest jokes. I saw. I fuck. laughed at some of the most fucked up shit. You all think this shit is sweet. You're no idea. why it is that I am becoming this person who felt the need to embody this facade, this kindness, this love, this light, this energy. There's a reason that I am this person. I have come from something, and I am transitioning to something else that I like a lot more than the something I have come from. And I'm just, I'm getting real tired in this transition. It's taking a lot out of me. Because really, at the end of the day, what is originality? What is the difference between doing and not doing? Even right now, I was upset and I was angry and I was sitting here, and I was like,Man, this is good stuff, though. I should I should pull out the podcast. But just the act of pulling out my computer, opening it up and hitting record is enough to knock me out of the mindset state that I was in and put me into Mr. Podcast mode, where the mode that I was in before was conf confronting exactly what it is that's going on with me. And I'm just really upset because. The way that I am responding and the way that the world is responding back to me, have some kind of clish McLord going on, and it's very in my face and real and it's just upsetting. It feels like you are a salmon traveling upstream or a coy. I think the analogy goes, the metaphor, a coy traveling upstream when they say the the koi that travels upstream, it turns into a dragon. You know, this is my transition of turning into a dragon. Do I really want to be a peaceful person? Do I really want this love in my life that I say that I want night? I do, I do want it so fucking bad. My whole life, I just want it to be a puzzle piece When you're putting together the puzzle, and you're looking at all the different parts, you you have that one piece that you're looking for and that you want, that you need that will fit perfectly. In my entire life, I felt like I am the one putting together the puzzle rather than getting to be the piece. And it sounds odd. Wouldn't you like to be the person putting together the puzzle and controlling the pieces and manipulating this and that, but I've always just wanted to be the thing that was wanted, the thing that fit. Maybe part of me needs to accept that my role. I'm a puzzle piece putter together. But another part of me feels like that's not my role. It feels like I am a puzzle piece. I'm just in the wrong set. That's really annoying, isn't it, when you have a puzzle piece, and it's just like, where does this even come from? This is it even from the same p puzzle? And you put together the entire puzzle thinking, "Oh, this is gonna be the last piece or something. It doesn't even fit. That's annoying. And I know some people believe that we are all drawing from the same source energy, and all the ideas are all coming from the same spot, but believing and living it, I think are different things. And to be living in the perspective that every single thought you have is not your own, and no matter what you try to do about it, the universe will correct itself in a way to make nothing yours ever. Oh, that's upsetting. I don't wanna be in this darma anymore. I don't wanna be in this Maya. I don't want to do this anymore and it's like each time I say that I don't want to do this, the Maya like tempts me with something. says, are you sure you don't want to be in the cycle anymore? Dude, if this is the way that the cycle, the universe, the world, the energy is treating me, I know. And I always felt like this ever since I was a child that stop it. Come on, you don't need to do this. You don't need to treat me this way. Nobody needs to be treated this way. But it's, like, inevitable. It's one of those things that you just keep trying to fight against day after day after day after day, until eventually you realize that you have become the thing that fights now. You go from not wanting to fight this stuff to fighting against it so much that you become the fighter, and it's like. "Wow, isn't that ironic, the true definition of irony, huh? It is ironic, too, that sometimes I wonder the definitions of words, or this or that, and I wonder what it would be like. And then I end up living an experience that answers that wonder. But do I do I get to actually have that experience? Is that something that even matters that now I know? Is it something that even needs to be shared? If all you need to do is ask to have the experience, and then you have it? And at that rate, why are there certain experiences that feel like they're cordoned off? Is that my own shadow trying to protect me from my own self or is it something else? Is it something that's more nefarious at work here? In the world of psychics, they call unwanted attachments and getting rid of them cord cutting. That's what they call it in witchcraft. In Buddhism, they just call it releasing your attachments. But if your attachments and your chords are what attach you to life, when you release them, will, won't new things just come come in to attach themselves once again? What about once you release those things? It's just. I really just want to open up a doorway one one day, and suddenly, what I'm expecting to be on the other side of that doorway is not there, and it is something else. I'm not open the door to the bathroom, and suddenly, oh, wow, it's a portal to heaven. I don't want to do this stuff anymore. And I say, this stuff, and you're like, "Well, why's podcast? No." I had a thought earlier, pick a side. You're either in or you're out, you're alive or you're dead. Pick one already. I'm just so mad. I can't pick the right answer 'cause I'm just so mad. It's just like, when everything you do feels like it's null and void. What's the point? And like, yeah, I really appreciate that, you know, the message is traveling through space and time and people don't even need to listen to me to know or hear what I'm working through or what you can work through, to hear the message and to hear the information, you don't even we don't even need to have that connection for you to just know the message, if the message is true, and it pervades throughout reality, regardless of whether or not you listen to this podcast, but it's just.. It's getting upsetting when day after day after day, you come up with a thought, an idea, or something, and then somebody else is already doing it. You got to think, where do I go from here? You just keep pressing on, and you just keep pressing on, and you just keep moving forward, and you just keep going. You just keep your nose to the grindstone forever and ever and ever and ever and ever, and just I'm so upset. And you know what? Before I pulled out the podcasting machine, I was coming to conclusions about this upsetness. I had a kind of, like... confronting my shadow moment. Now that I have this glowing fucking box in front of me, I feel stifled in the translation of my feelings into my reality. It's like, yeah, you know what? love and light and everybody's connected. But at a certain point I think the way to leave the darma to leave the cycle is to fucking actually once in and for all addressed like, my shit, you are shit. What is shit? I don't even know.scape the fucking Maya. Escape the Matrix. That's what everybody's saying all the time now is it's all " escape the Matrix, but once you escape the Matrix, you're dead. Why does it even matter anything that's going on inside of the Matrix? Why do people want to escape the Matrix so bad? Because when you escape the Matrix, you It's not like you're neo, and you're going into some other kind of adventure outside of the Matrix. No, when you escape the Matrix, this matrix right here, when you escape it, to a certain level, you escape it into nothingness, and nothingness is great. I'm. I love confronting nothingness. It's an interesting concept. I can't wait to spend an eternity confronting nothingness and relishing in. It's enjoyment, but. why the fuck does everybody want to get out of the Matrix so bad instead of just actively settling in and making the Matrix better for everybody else? I just don't care it. Maybe it's a distractionary tool or something like that. I don't know. But when I say shit, like, I don't want to be here, it is a deep seated field of just not fitting in in this universe for my entire life. Dude, I had to sit at the peanut free table and I sat there alone at a certain point, once every other kid got the okay from their parents to go, you know, sit with other kids at lunch. I was just sitting there alone. And then, you know, they were like, "Yeah, you can have a friend sit with you," But it got to the point where nobody wanted to sit with me anymore 'cause it's boring sitting with that one kid alone in the corner where everybody has fun. And eventually, I just had to come out to my parents and say, like, "Dude, this sucks. Like, I'm not that allergic to peanuts. Why the fuck are you guys keeping me me in the corner? Like, I did something wrong just for existing? Like, this sucks. And then I got to sit with everybody. Maybe I'm at that point right now where I have to finally say something like, dude, this sucks. The way that you people are fucking treating me, the way that you people are acting, the way that you people are sucks. You need to fucking say it once and for all so you people actually confront yourselves with how much you guys suck lately at handling problems and the ways that you fucking deal with people. I'm one of those people that knows I suck. That's why I take consideration to be a better person, to become kinder, to be more loving, because I know that I could ruin somebody's fucking day by being an asshole, and ruining their day might end up ruining their week, might end up ruining their fucking life by accident just because, oh, I wanted to be a big man and I was angry. You know what? Look at this Kendrick Lamar shit. Sometimes some motherfuckers need their e egos broken. I'm telling you right now. Kendrick did his research. Kendrick didn't like this person for a long time and didn't knew why he didn't like him. Do you people even know me? Do you even know why you don't like me? or are you just falling into some pragmatic dogmatism? You're following into some kind of, I don't know, some kind of energy or wave that you yourself aren't even being yourselves anymore. You're being pawns of the energy. That's why the Energy podcast was so important. That's why some of those veiled in insults were so important in the Energy podcast because it needed to trigger some people. Because towards the end of that energy podcast, I relinquish and I say that you guys are right. But if you can sit through that entire podcast triggered and being mad and get to that point where I say that you're right, why? You just you just displayed a level of patience's understanding understanding and kindness that nobody can ever match again. But if you're one of those people that swipes out of it right away and gets insulted, congratulations, you just played yourself for a fool. You don't get to see a single one of those little gems that I hid inside of that podcast because you wanted to play yourself for a fool thinking you know better than other people, never giving people the chance. I'm very angry right now. I'm very upset. And I had to take medicine to bring, I don't know what to do about it. I'm very upset. I want to punch stuff, I want to break things. I'm doing pushups to try and get rid of it. I'm one of those people that I can't work out too much because it takes over at a certain point. And this anger, it realizes, oh my God, oh, finally, I have an outlet and I'm working out and then it just doubles down and it doubles down and it doubles down and it doubles down until it gets this unrelenting, just my body is ripping itself apart from the inside, and it's just, I can't. I can't take it anymore. The inside of my brain is just, I fight so hard to make it eat comfortable and kind kind, enjoyable place to be, but it's just people don't like that or something they want they want me to be like them, to be angry on the inside, just like them or. I don't know. I'm very upset with, I just don't know. I I have a lot of answers for a lot of different kinds of stuff, but this anger thing, I just 24 years. I was just learning how to deal with it. It's just... What do you do when you're a baby and they cut the tip of your dick off? You know? That's the kind of situation that the world is constantly putting you in. And guys, you can really understand this circumcised guys, you can really understand this. What the fuck are you supposed to do about a situation when you're a baby and they're cutting the tip of your dick off? What do you spell? Well, I actually, you're a baby. You don't know fucking words.. You can't translate, heyey, I don't want to do this. You just know scream at, stop, stop screaming, screaming, stop. And they don't stop. So then what? You learn words, you learn more words, you learn words as fast as possible, so you can tell these people, "Fucking cut it out!" But then when you take that kind of tone of voice, you take that kind of energy on you, you're becoming just like them. Fucking cut it off. Stop a screaming, cut it off. You know, DNA is crazy. We overlook one of the most amazingly intricate file storage systems known in the universe everything everyone in your entire entire bloodline has ever experienced stored within your DNA. Every experience that you have experienced is stored within your body in one way or another, you can access almost every single experience and memory. If you want to. It's fucking painful. Try imagining remembering, getting the tip of your dick cut off at 23 years old. That shit hurt. I winced and I was like, oh, it was painful. Such a painful memory to be written on the body. without my own will or consent. That's what they're always doing all the time. It just makes me so angry. It just makes me so upset. And you know what? voicing that upsetness is good, because then people stop circumcising and people learn over time, fuck, babies remember this terrible shit that we're doing to them. Don't do it again. It's good to voice these things. But I amm just in such a bad fucking mood from all of this nonsense that people have been doing, that you really shouldn't have to tell people, "No, you don't have to do that. No, don't do that. What are you? Dogs? Come on. Come on. What are you people? Dogs, quit it? I shouldn't have to do this. And you know what? To a degree, I don't. If I just sit here and I relax and I just speak to myself out loud, those and energies, those vibrations, those emotions will cascade throughout space and time, and the people that need to hear it will hear it. But, man, I want to record this as a fuck you to the people that need to hear it, but are just refusing it. Maybe that's why I'm not getting any views. Maybe that's why you know, people aren't listening to it because it's stuff that they don't want to fucking face within themselves. And I am somebody that I will stare in the mirror and figure out how to make my own pupils dieilate. Not many people are like that. Not many people are willing to confront the face of their own image so deeply. and be willing to try and display a level of control so unthinkable that they actually end up doing it. You can stare in the mirror and you can control your pupils to dilate. It feels like something you shouldn't be able to do. But if you're concentrated enough, if you have enough determination, if you love yourself, if you're doing everything for the right reasons, you can do anything. There you go, the right reasons. That makes me feel like right now. Am I doing things for the right reasons by recording this podcast, by trying to set up an image for myself so I can try and make some money so I can finally not be poor for once in my life. am I doing the right thing by doing that, by having some kind of personal agency over myself to want to try and make money and feel better about myself. Am I wrong for doing that? I don't think so. I think it's quite normal to want to work a job that you can make money at. And while I'm in the process of finding that dream job while I'm in the process of applying to all these acting gigs and all these different kinds of things, then maybe just maybe I could do something like a podcast, like maybe I could make a short video or this or that, to show my willingness to work and to cooperate in the meantime, my ability and my want to be able to do things. That's all I'm showing right now. That's all I want to show off is, "Hey, look, I know how to do stuff. I know how to do things. I'm a pretty level headed individual, but will you have things that keep coming up to say, hey, you're levelheaded, that's knock that level off of balance. It gets really, really hard to maintain being a level headed and balanced person. When you keep having people come along to just purposefully try to knock you out of balance, it really makes you want to swing all the way to the dark side. Or at least that's how it makes me feel. Maybe some other people, they want to swing all the way to the light side and they do that. I tried that. Maybe I need to try a little bit harder. Maybe I need to practice a little bit more. Maybe I'm just so used to sending out angry vibes that is just my presetet and that just sending out loving vibes just doesn't feel right right now, because I need to get more used to it. I need to get more relaxed, and I need to get more into it.. I need to get more comfortable, but damn, does angry feel like it suits me? Does angry feel like a nice fucking Italian tailored suit? Whew, wow, it just, I love it. I love it so much. I love taking people's egos and ringing them out. I love it so much that when I worked at a dispensary, I took up the habit of hugging men and picking them up and twirling them around in circles so they would feel like emasculated little baby girls. Because I love that shit. I don't think you people understand the kind of fucked up shit I like doing to your egos. Your egos are the illusion, and I love destroying them. I don't know what's wrong with me. Fuck. But if I let that energy out more and more and more and more it pervades, it spreads, and more people realize, and more people want to be part of it, and more people want it. how many people can you get to become terrible people if you just maintain a terrible vibe, I hate that. You people are not like me. Not like us. Yeah. It's a pretty good song. none of you. are like me, and I'm not like any of you. And the same goes true if you were to say that in your head. no one is like like you, and none of them are like the others. Everybody's different. Everybody's their own person. And I'm trying to be who I want to be deep down on the inside despite all of the topography of anger and rage and ego and disillusion man.. I want to be who I know I am. I want to be that puzzle piece that fits. I want I know my puzzle piece to the top and my puzzle piece to the bottom, and the left and the right, and I just. Being the one that puts the puzzle together is fun, but man, just it must be fun being a puzzle piece, too. Being needed, being wanted, fitting in. I've always wanted that. It's just so hard finding the place where I fit in. I keep trying, I keep trying, I keep trying. It's just like. When you're dealing with that demon, that that devil inside. dev much longer It's rich. It gets really hard to go out to the club and stuff like that, because you get something that sparks up that demon inside, and suddenly you're in a very bad mood and you're perivionading bad mood throughout the entire atmosphere, and everybody's in a bad mood, and you're giving off bad vibes, and I just, I don't want to do that. It was just like, it feels like that's what the universe made me to do. and like it fits so well, that it feels like I was made for this ship. But I don't I don't want to be made to be a cruel person. I hate so much, and I hate this most of all. I hate, hate most of all. Which is what really always pushed me into wanting to be a loving individual is that I just I hate, hate so much. My hate for hate is so pure and undistilled. I just.. If there's gonna be a bully in the room, it's gonna be fucking me. If there's gonna be a hate in the room, I am going to be the hater. Don't you understand. It's a terrible burden to have and a terrible weight to carry around. I'm just so fucking tired. But I can't sleep. So tired, but I can't sleep. I just don't. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what to do about anything. Hell, my computer locked like 20 minutes ago. I don't even know if it's still recording. Perfect. Wonderful. Awesome. We're still here and we still don't know what to do. If you know what to do, reach out to me at www.adamjacapello.org at the www. or else it won't work. You could also reach me at ADAM CA. Oh, shit. Fuck. It's okay, disregard what I just said. You could also reach me at ADAM JC.@g.co. That's Adamamjacopelo.info@gmail.com. If you know what to do about this shit, please reach out because I'm really good at laughing stuff off and I'm really good at maintaining the air of good vibes because I know how important it is, man, did you just hear my back crack? That is. Whew, that is how much tension I have inside of me that I'm trying to release. It's just., I'm so mad. I don't know what to do about it. I've said that, like, ten times before, because the words, I'm so mad and I don't know what to do about it. Don. Don't feel like enough to convey the emotion of just how distraught, just how indignant I feel. I'm just, oh, you. You human race. You human race, just time and time and time again, just don't seem to figure it out. Now I am part of the human race, and now I am one that doesn't seem to figure it out. Fuck. Some heavy shit I'm dealing with earlier, I started to cry. For some reason, the podcast adds that layer of translation that I can't reach that point where I need to get to to get that release. So I think for my benefit, I need to go continue this conversation with myself. And if you gleaned anything from this, go go continue the conversation with yourself, please. You don't need me to fucking v validate that. You can go be your own person. Go do your own stuff. Go go live your own life. I don't give a fuck. I'm doing this for money. I'm doing this because I like sharing these kinds of vibes. I like sharing this kind of energy. And if there was something I ever wanted to do for money, it would be sharing this kind of energy. sharing this kind of vibes. I've had dream jobs before. I've wanted to work at a Halloween store. I became assistant manager at a Halloween store after work in there for three years in a row. I loved working at a Halloween store. I would carry around a severed arm and ask people if they needed a hand with anything. I loved that job and then some dickheads came along and screwed it all up for me. Some local Wooburn brica pieces of shit that fucked it all up for me. And then I didn't get to have that dream job anymore, but that's okay because I moved on to a new job, a new dream job, I wanted to work at a dispensary. And every day I worked at that dispensary, I was so happy to be there that I had such a smile that I wanted to give to other people all that love that I felt for just being grateful, for being there and getting to be part of the environment and getting to do what I love to do, which is talk about weed all day long. I loved that so much. And I loved giving out that love there because I felt it. I was like, this job is supplying me with love here. But people saw that and I saw, well, let's see how much he can take before we can take him down a peg. And I endured some real nonsensical fucking bullshit there. And I kept notes and I kept a log of every single time something fucked up happened.. because I might be all smiles, goofy, and good times, but I'm not fucking dumb. I know everything that's going on. I'm keeping tabs on everything and all you people and what you're doing. And when shit hit the fan at a certain point, I said, you know what? Enough is enough. And I went forward to management with my little notebook and I got like several people fired because. You can't act that way without repercussions. You can't fucking slap somebody on the ass while you're working with them. You can't fucking put somebody in a chokehold who has a foot injury. You can't fucking do this fucked up shit that you think that you think you can get away with because I'm a happy go lucky fellow. Just because I didn't react in the moment doesn''t mean that I'm not keeping track of what you're doing. Doesn't mean that I don't know that there's a different recourse of how I can take action here. Because guess what? There's only so many times that you can slam somebody's head down onto a concrete floor before you get taken away. And I'm keeping those in the back pocket. And people don't like the fact that I'm keeping those in the back pocket, so they keep trying to get me to use one on them. And I keep telling you, people, you don't fucking know what you're asking for. You don't know what you are dealing with. People are fragile, just like bubbles. I remember this one time. I was walking to a bus stop with an ex girlfriend and she was like,The bus stop is across the street right there. Let's just take a diagonal, get there on the Pythagorean theorem, you know, we'll take the hypotenuse. Some black lady saw us crossing the street, thought we were trying to, like, avoid her or something, and then walked across the street to yell at us and said, get the fuck out of my neighborhood. Don't you know this is a black only neighborhood? I would shoot your white ass right now if I had a gun. That woman. was barking and barking and barking. And I knew, please do not fucking come within my vicinity because somebody will get hurt. The girl I was with did not know that. She kept, who's that bitch thinks she is? kept trying to fight with her. I said, calm down because I don't want to have to fucking handle this situation right now. Because the way I'll handle it, a bubble will pop. And I stood there, and I just I just didn't even look at her. I said, you don't exist. I stood there, I made sure my girlfriend got on the bus safely. I made sure she was fine. I made sure she was away. I hopped on my skateboard, and I left. Before I left, I took note of all the people standing around looking. looking at me, looking at her, looking at me, looking at her, and then feeling a deep, deep, deep sense of disappointment in the themselves, so much so that it was visible on their faces. They felt ashamed for her actions. And I knew, looking around that if she did cross that street and if she did get a little bit closer to me once again, all of those people would have jumped on her. And her idea of what a unified black only neighborhood was was would have been destroyed, because she was the one in the wrong. She had no right to fucking go around threatening people like that just for trying to get to the bus stop. And everybody on that street knew that that day and would have stood up for me to fucking take down that woman if need come, because they saw my reluctance. I did not want to do it because I knew that if I did do it, it would be something not able to walk away from. You people don't get that. And I keep saying, you people. I'm talking about the human race, everybody. Black, white, Asian Hispanic, whatever fifth thing is gonna come out in a few months. I don't know. Everybody, who is listening to this, who can comprehend this energetic wave that I'm sending throughout the universe right now stop it, please, please stop it. Your bubbles. You are fragile butterflies flapping on the winds of good grace Please, please, please please stop it. Just please. There's only so much a person can take. and I have a high capacity for it. I know how to handle things. I have coping mechanisms., but karma is real the mirror dimension and the reflection of your actions that's all real and each time that you people make me angry, I might you know do something that I might regret later and I'll say why did I act in that way The karma comes back 10fold. I've been on both sides. The karma always comes back 10fold You think shit is sweet, but it's shit and shit is not sweet unless you are a fly who loves to eat shit. But I am not a fly. I am a human. And I don't like to eat shit. I like Fig Newtons. and I like soda. I like pizza. I like things that taste good, you know, delicious things, maybe things that might not be good for me. Maybe I like Fig Newtons are kind of good for you. I like some things that are good for me. I like things that make me feel happy when I eat them. So then I should like to watch things, and I should like to interact with people that make me feel happy. if you people aren't making me feel happy anymore, I just won't interact with you, but... I'll keep keeping on. I'll keep moving forward. I'll keep doing my thing. And you guys can just sit on the sidelines and watch and be like, oh, wow, I wish I was that guy. You could be that guy! Stop it. Quit it. I don't want to put you on the sidelines, but if you're. playing with a twisted ankle, you can't be on the field. You got to go on the sidelines. And when you're acting like a jerk, and you're being a bully, when you're being a mean person and acting from an ego standpoint. Dude, your ankle's twisted. You got this shit. It's st. You got this shit fucked up. I ain't about to be a part of your fucked up shit. Now, get off my team. You know what? If I gotta do this shit all by myself, great. AI is coming out with some amazing things that I can do things by myself now that I never would have been able to dream of doing by myself myself before. So if you guys don't want to work with me, cool, I can fucking do it all by myself for real this time. And it doesn't matter if nobody watches it or anything, because there we go. I did it for myself and I did it for me and now I don't have to watch any of your other shit ever again, because I made my own shit. I don't want to play the game that way. That is a very terrible fucking way to play the game. I wanted the game to be played. If I make an audio, you make a video. There you go. Here you go. If I make content, here you go. And you want to practice animating content, here you go. Here's some some content for you to practice animating on. I wanted it to be an ebb and a flow. I didn't want it to be a fucking tidal wave of "Here I come, but if I need to make it a tidal wave of here I come. We all know how tidal waves work. Tsunamis, whatever the fuck you want to call it. Who the fuck gives a shit about a word nowadays, right? That's one way to handle the anger. Love of b bomb, I'm so mad. You know, spit and vinegar and piss. But I can I can just keep going with that. Like, I don't think you people will understand that day in and day out. I've experimented before. I can keep going with this anger shit. for a long time before I get tired of it and I got tired of it, so then I tried to do something else. But I can I can go back. I can you want that? We can do that. Let's do it. Let's go for it. Let's.'s have some fucking fun. Let's make the dogs bark. Let's have a fucking nerve. But I'm so I'm so mad, I'm so done with that mad shit. I don't want to do it anymore. Just being at peace, being relaxed, enjoying life, feel feels a lot better. I don't think that a lot of people are getting why I'm doing things this way. I have purpose, I have reason. Just because you're on the outside and you can't see my inner workings of my brain doesn't mean that I don't have a fucking plan, that I have shit in place and the gears are moving. It means that maybe you on the inside of your head don't have fucking shit for fuck going on. But that's not the same as me. What you say about you what you say about me says a lot more than what it says about fuck what you say about me says a lot more about you than it says about me. There is a phrase that I came up with a while ago, but like I said, I don't think that anything is original anymore, so why does it even matter? To take what I do and put a word on it is to take from me and give to you. There's your phrase for the week. To put a word on what I do is to take from me and give to you. To call me confident is to take all of my confident qualities and wrap them up inside of the word confident and then give them to somebody else so they can know what confidence is. But it's.. It's not real. It's not true. It's not really in depth what is going on. You're just trying to take qualities, take things that you like and things that have words that can be attributed to them. So you can try and organize it all out so you can put together your puzzle and your way the best because we're all people that put together puzzles and different kinds of ways. And not many of us are willing to admit I am the puzzle maker and not many of us are willing to admit I want to be the puzzle piece that fits, but here I am. I'm saying it. I hope that is enough. to take a word and put it on what I do is to take from me and to give to you Keep it easy out there. You are loved. Love exists even in the deepest fucking fucking myths of hate. Love still exists. I love you. See you next time.