Adam Has a Podcast Episode 42; Turning Points

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take Wayne Gra Gretzky. That is on. the Wayne Gretzky statue outside of TD Garden, I believe. I might be wrong, but I know that the statue's there. It's a pretty cool statue. The whole North End is a pretty cool place. I've seen something lately that because of the World Cup, all the Scotland f fans are putting traffic cones on the statues. That's smell funny. There's like a bunch of like tiny statues all throughout Boston and saw so like I'm imagining there's these little bronze ducks. Dude, somebody better get some tiny traffic cones and put them on the little bronze ducks' heads because there's like a mummy duck, the little baby ducks following. That would be so funny. Yeah, you missed 100% of the shots you gonna take. Um, I worked at a dispensary before, and it was right in the heart of Boston. And um. Somebody said that to me one day. And I was like, "W, cool,'cause I would always try to have, like, conversations with my customers. I was a pretty talkative guy. I'm a good conversator, people have told me. an excellent conversationalist. How can I market that? Can I sell that? as like a skill or a class or something. Do you want to learn how to be a conversationalist? It just takes listening. That's all. That's the number one rule to be in a conversationalist, no matter what classes are going to tell you or this or that. It's just actively listening, not listening to respond, but just being present in the moment and in taking the information and processing it. And then when you're done listening, that's typically the space for you to bring that processing outwards. So that's your number one tip to be in a good conversationalist is just just be an active listener and repetition. I don't mean like repeating the things that they said. I mean doing it over and over and over again, so you find your own rhythm, you find out what your natural energy is, your natural flow. And then hopefully you'll ease into that. Dude, there's a bird. Oh, my God, there's a baby bird on my windowsill right now, are you you kidding me? This is crazy. I don't even know if I can. Oh, it flew away. Wow. I don't know if it was a baby bird. It was a little bird, though. My cat was looking out. at it like tasty. But yeah, I always try to have good conversations with people. You know, I'm working at a dispensary, man, like, the least I can do is be chill and be like, I was pretty happy to have that position. So I was like, always excited to go to work. And there were things that went on at work that made me not excited to go to work over time. And I think people noticed that that slowly over time that the environment and the unjust pressures the environment was putting on to me, was starting to wear me down a little bit. But even though it was trying to wear me down, I didn't let it get me. I always would try to put my best foot forward. There's a couple of days, like, I remember one day this, like regional manager triedrimanding me for using vernacular language. What do you call it? What's the official word? Naughty words, dirty words. What do you call them? Swear words. Why couldn't I remember that? He was like, you can't swear. But I was in the back of the house, which is a basement. It's a basement. We're all adults there. We're all... It's also an adult only establishment. People that are 21 plus there only. But we're in the back of the house, which is a basement. We're nowhere near customers. And these people are throwing out street sling left and right. And I'm like, dude, you can't tell me not to swear when they're fucking saying these words that are way worse than what I'm saying. And I went off. I'm like, dude, you're trying to trample my amendments right now. You're trying to go over my rights right now. That's fucked up of you. You're trying to tell me I can't say fuck, what the hell's wrong with you? Well, they're over here fucking quoting rap lyrics and shit and singing them out loud. We're playing rap songs that say worst songs. Worst words than what I'm saying in the back of house. I felt that that was an unfair.. judgment. I don't know, no. unfair reprimand on my behalf. I'm like, "Yo, what the hell? But he's reprimanding me, because he can't come out and reprimand the other people without being a cult racist. So he decided to pick on me as an example in front of everybody because he didn't like the way that the other people were talking, but he can't confront them about it because they'll make a big point about it. But I don't think he was expecting me to go. I'm going to make a point about it too, because words or words, get over it. And it's crazy because that place has got so much drama going on. I remember when I was working there, the CEO got in trouble for legal matters, and then it just got tucked onto the rug and it was the craziest thing for me to watch it. It was in the news one day and I don't know why it was filtered to me. It was like, not only did other people from work send it to me, but it showed up in my news feed that he was arrested. And to see something like that was a news article one day and then it's just gone the next day. Like it's not even like, oh, he just paid the witness. And then he paid, you know, everybody around and just made it disappear. But, um... Yeah, that whole place was kind of shady and weird. They got hit with a lawsuit, and I'm pretty sure everybody thought was me, but I didn't get a single dime of that class action lawsuit. That wasn't me. I'm still trying to. contact a guy. I'm like, hey, you said I was going to get money if I signed on to this. Why am I not, I'm not getting any money here... And he approached me after the fact. I was like, word, I'll sign on. Because they were taking our tips.. which I guess was against the law. Somebody caught that that. And I I didn't know. I was like, yeah, that seems fair. Um. But people were noticing that, and, uh. the news station, I forget which one. There were a couple around the area, but there's one guy that would always come in and, um I would always chop it up with him, like, he was just a cool guy. I just liked to talking to him. He was just a nice guy. And we always had some pretty funny conversations and stuff, but one day I was like, yeah, I don't know how I feel about this place." And he was like, "Well, you know, I work at the news station down there. You just send in your application. and I'll talk around and maybe we could see if we could get you a position. And I was like, "Word, I'll just get your contact information from the system right here, and I took a picture of it and I set out, I'll send in an application and I'll use your name and I'll let them know, But then, like, the pressure got applied right after I had that interaction. and I was immediately swept from that interaction into a whole bunch of others, and I was trying to hold on to the memory of it, and I kept saying to myself, I'll do that later, I'll do that later, I'll do that later. But then the pressure never let up. And it was like that beacon of a lighthouse, and I just saw it for a mere glimpse in the midst of a storm, but not enough to actually direct my ship towards Safe Harbor. And the pressure was on, just like more and more. odd, seemingly feeling like it was targeted kind of things started happening. Like, I was always the guy that they would send difficult customers too, because I could handle it. I was just real courteous and shit. And that's just how you're supposed to be as a customer service representative. In my opinion, you're just supposed to be courteous to the customers, that's what you got to do. But there was other stuff that went on there. Like, there was definitely, like.. workplace gossip, I guess, is the best way to put it. And I wasn't totally aware of all the workplace gossip, because I don't particularly participate in that kind of kind of stuff. So I just go to work and show up to work and go home. But there was a lot of, like, internal drama there, and sometimes I would like go out to like the b bars and stuff with them. And it all was kind of cool, but I didn't notice this weird undercurrent. and it reached a point where one day I cut my toe open. at home, but it was pretty bad. I still have a scar to this day. It's pretty bad. It was like a. I threw a bat orang into the floor because it was cool and I liked feeling like Batman. And then I left it there' because it looked like Batman had visited my room and I was like, thathat's so cool. And then I was on the floor with my mom. She stressed me out, and I stopped paying attention to the bat rang on the floor, and I started just pacing around as you do when you're on the phone. and I wasn't paying attention, much like how I got stressed out and I wasn't paying attention to that opportunity to work at the news station. I got stressed out, and I wasn't paying attention to the battering on the floor, and I walked right into it, and it cut a nice half moon crescent moon into my toe, and it started bleeding everywhere, and it was, oh, my God, so much blood. And I had to put my boat up in the air. My roommate had to drive me to the hospital and then I ended up taking like the train home or some shit. I don't even remember, bro. I had to get like three stitches in my toe. Needless to say, I did not go to work that day, nor the day afterwards either, because I was like, yo, what the fuck? It was still kind of like bleeding a little bit and shit. I needed to give it time to glue back together.. And I couldn't really put pressure on it'cause every time I put my foot down, it would start bleeding again. So I just had to keep my feet up until it congealed. And so I told my work, I was like, hey, man, I fucking cut my toe open and they were like, you can do this stuff so that you can show up to work and just have something to do. And they gave me computer stuff to do. And I was sitting in the back of the house I was doing computer stuff all day. Um.. And I guess somebody got jealous. They're like, why does he get to do computer stuff? And they didn't have the empathy to see like, oh, dude, his foot's fucked up. Also, they wouldn't let me wear slides slides to work. I was like, " come on. You'll make me jam this in a shoe. But this dude put me in a headlock, and I was like, "What's a fuck, dog? And the manager was sitting there and you didn't turn around and I was like, dude, turn around and fucking help me. And so I lodged a complaint. I was like, dude, fuck this. There's so much stress that that started happening at this place that I was like, fuck this. That's what I mean when, like, the pressure was on. Like, I was, I forgot about that opportunity because I literally had childish adults fucking with me that were way older than me. but still fucking with me like I'm some kind of little kid or something, or they're still little kids. So that was my final straw. That's when I snapped and I went, okay, I'm keeping a list of all the fucking shit you guys have been doing to me and I brought it to HR. Fuck this. and then I tried to stick it out for there a little bit longer, but it just felt weird, man. It just felt like everybody was trying to be nice to me because they knew that I was, like, observant now. And I'm like, oh, man, that's weird.. And I couldn't remember that guy's name, and I couldn't remember his face, the one that tried to give me that job opportunity. And I was trying to move into that job opportunity, and I was trying to apply, but I was like, I don't know how to do any of this. And I just kind of let the stress of everything get to me. And I kind of was like, you know what? I don't need to participate in this game. And I checked out because like, three months prior, I had gotten an eviction notice because my roommate that I had brought from my hometown that I'd known from Har high school, didn't pay his rent at all. And this is after he, like, sold me this sob story that his roommate didn't pay rent over in their apartment in, like, Lemon, New Hampshire. And he said that his roommate was the reason he got kicked out, and he was like, so upset because he's trying all his hardest to work really hard and pay all the bills and his roommate never pays the bills. And I'm like, man, that sucks. Like, I'm I'm a good worker and I'm looking for a fucking roommate and you don't want to move back home. So do you want to move in with me? I gave him the option. I was like, you could move in with me, you know? But he should have had the fucking adult responsibility to say, nah, man, I think I should stay at home for now. Or at least turn me down. But instead, he was like, "No, I'll work. And then he moved in and didn't pay rent from day one. I asked him, I was like, are you going to have Firstlass of Security, though? And he was like, yeah, I have Firstlass of security. I got it. It's all good. And then we were living there for, like. three months, three or four months. And that's when we got an eviction notice, and that's when I found out that he hadn't been paying his rent since day one. And also, I put him on my phone bill so we could have like a shared phone bill kind of like, cheaper planned. And then I went on vacation to visit my mom. And this dude, like, went and bought a whole new phone and, like, asked me for a picture of my ID because he needed my account authorization so he could buy a new phone. And then never paid me for the phone bill, bro. I had to complain to T-Mobile, like, dude, you got his phone. You put it on his account, because this is this guy. And you guys have his fucking information, so you need to separate this out into two different accounts because this guy did some unauthorized account activity that he lied about pretty much. He pretty much just lied, because if you say one thing and your actions don't line up with what you're saying, then you're lying, right? That's logical right there. So I reached, I got that, like, I don't know, March, April, that eviction noticed. And we tried to fight it, we tried to go to court and be like, well, can we just kick this one guy out and put somebody else in. and they're like, well, do the debt. I'm like, that's that guy's responsibility to take care of because he's the one that his name is on it on the ledger that he didn't pay. I've been paying my rent every single month. They did it through this little stupid app thing that automatically, like it was it was, I don't know if I should mention their name, but it was some corporation that like leases houses and then rents them to people. And so they split our bill up four ways because there's four people. and I was paying my rent every single month and I was making sure that my app said, nothing is due. And I assumed that nothing was due overall because it said nothing was due. And that was that little gray area that he was skirting by on where he was saying that he was paying his bills, but he actually wasn't. And he was also like had all this money for like random shit. So I'm like, dude, what the fuck? Anyways... This was like, probably June at work at this point that all this stuff started going down. And one day.. I was riding the train into work, and I left my skateboard at the train stop. and I was running back and forth, and I went, oh, my God, I was like, frazzled. And then I came back and my skateboard was right there, and there was somebody watching it for me and they were like, "Oh you left this, and I was hoping that you would come back. And that was a kindness that had become a rarity in my life, that I just didn't expect because of the environment that which I was being steeped in. Not to mention, while I'm living in this neighborhood, I'm getting, like,. There's so much other stuff going on in Dorchester, and it's like. mind boggling. But, um.. That was just a kindness I wasn't expecting. I was expecting, like, oh, man, someone's going to take my skateboard. There, it goes my favorite skateboard. That's lost now. now. And then to get back there and somebody was actually watching out for me. that level of kindness, like, opened up my mind. And I got back on the train and I was riding back to work. and I realized the world is a lot broader than the small little box. that I've been put in, of other people's perceptions of me, and my perceptions of other people. And I was looking in the train and I saw these two kids with a basketball. and I was like, they're gonna go play basketball." I remember, like, summer days playing basketball with my friends. I had rather be playing basketball right now than going into work. And I got sad, and I realized, I don't't need to be sad. And I called up work and I said, "Hey, I'm quitting." And they're like, "Are you serious?" And I was like, "Yeah, I'm quitting. There's these kids on the train. There's a basketball. I think I need to quit. I just kind of let the universe give me a message, and I was like, full abandoned, I'm going to listen to it. And I decided, okay, I'm going to quit. Um. Because no matter how much money I made, it didn't matter because I was already being kicked out of my house. And I went, well, this is fucked up at this point. I was trying to figure my way out of this hole that I didn't even put myself in. and I decided the best way out of it was just not participate. And, I quit, and then, like, eight other people quit the next day, and I didn't realize I was like, yo, shit. I was keeping all those people returning to work. I didn't realize once again, that like kind of sense of community, like how that guy from the news station was trying to provide a sense of community, like, hey man, there's a broader world than this community that you're in now come and join art. community down at the new station that be treated a lot better there. I didn't realize that I had this community of camaraderie. Like, I didn't realize that, like, that gossip that I didn't participate in ended up making me look like a admirable character to such a degree that when I quit, it was a turning point for a lot of other people to put their own foot down and say, yeah, you know what? I actually don't need this. And they all quit too. And I wasn't expecting such, like a show of solidarity. That blew my mind because I was like, dude, I'm quitting because some kids with a basketball. I'm not quitting because like, I'm quitting because of the pursuit of happiness, not because of anything else. And, um. That was just one of those little tidbits, like one of those little lessons that I would always try to give to other people in trying to provide those little statements like you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.. We're trying to provide a moment of levity or a spot of positivity in somebody's lives, like just a little light, by trying to be a light, I ended up becoming my own lighthouse, which kind of sucks if you're looking for a lighthouse, but it's radical if you don't mind being a lighthouse.. And, those little conversations that I would have with people, sometimes I would reference it and I'd be like,Th sounds weird right now, but this is totally gonna make sense to you later. You're gonna be thinking about it. It's just going to pop into your head and you're gonna be like, oh, fuck, I get it now. And then you're gonna laugh. And I was saying that because that's how I experience reality. That's how sometimes I'm sitting here alone and my mind travels to some of those conversations I had across the counter. And I think about those poignant moments, those moments filled with energy and emotion, and the turning points of my own life. Somebody wants treats, which is a turning point that we can't reach right now. I'll give you five more minutes. that okay? There's turning points that don't seem like turning points. There's these tiny little moments. that you don't realize matter until it's way later on. and you're thinking about it again, and you realize, oh my gosh, that mattered. Which brings me back to. I wasn't always the person outputting the wisdom. Sometimes I was a person receiving the wisdom, and I kept myself open. to the input and the output so that I could make refine so that I could. So that I may refine what I wanted to, which is understanding, wisdom, intelligence, perseverance, all of these great things that can just get you through the day when you have depression and all these kinds of things. Things that you need when you got stuff going on that other people just get to ignore. And when you start focusing on it, you start to realize that not as many people as you think thought get to ignore things. You get to realize that there are others who are a lot like you, because you start asking questions that come from a place of the self. And when you desire to understand the self, you encounter others who have trudged that same journey of understanding the self. and they can provide you wisdom for how they understood theirselves, but they cannot provide you the action of understanding yourself. I guess I'll close it out with. a motto or a statement that I always return to that really encapsulates all of this, that somebody had given to me, that I'm now going to give to you. You You win some, and you learn some. I know, that's a little weird. This is the conversation that we had about this too. And I was like, "W, that's so weird. It's normally, you win some, you lose some. And he harked back. You're never losing when you're learning. Like, this was a prep prepared thing for him. Like, he must have been a coach or some shit. Because he knew how hard it gets sometimes when you're not living up to your own personal standards. and how hard people can be on themselves when they feel like they're failing. So you have to reframe your mindset around failure that it's not a detriment of your character, but an opportunity to learn and grow. I wish you all much growth in learning. I gotta go give her some treats now. Peace.