Adam Has a Podcast Episode 29; Zombie

*intro* Need a couple of those out. I don't know. Cut points. It's like when you have the clapper and you go, cut or like action, except my action is a fat cough from a fat bong rip. Hmm. Nice. Nice, nice, nice. I' gonna. I'm gonna get saddled, dude. We fucking back at it, for inst in season one. I mean, fuck. Shit, we're in season two. Um Let's just try and have a slow start to it. Let's not let's not bring that same energy in from last time. Let's have a firm belief and grasp of what it is that I'm doing, but also at the same time, let's have fun. And today, fun sounds like talking about stuff and things. So let's let's fucking get get into it, kid. Let's fucking go. Okay. Okay, I'm gonna take a rip of my pen first. I'm thinking That's the problem. Actually, I'm the opposite thing. I had thoughts and now I don't. Now what the recorders don't. Let me sit back and relax. Let's talk about zombies today. I think the true purpose of zombie movies is to act as a mirror for a society. And the zombie being like the wild untamed animalistic side of human nature and the survivors being like people trying to be, quote unquote, more human. You know, the people actually trying to be civilized and trying to obeyey their empathy. Because that's really what makes the difference between like an animal and a person at the end of the day. An animal has a limited capacity for empathy as compared to a higher thinking being. At the end of the day, well, actually, I can't really say at the end of the day, it's more like the beginning. Good morning. For me, it's the morning. For you, it's any time of the day, because this is the internet. This is space and time dilated. This is the theory of relativity inaction. I'm moving at a different speed than you are moving at. And you know, we're seeing reality at different points and you're going to speed up or maybe I'm already past your point. You're never going to see this. You know? Because I don't fucking know shit. I need a color hooks to keep me on track. I don't know what the fuck I was talking about. Um.. Yes. Um. Zombies are like the animalistic kind of representation of humanity, whereas the the survivors are typically like the civilized representation of humanity. And they're both kind of mirrors for our modern world that we're in now. And except this mirror has written on it in fucking paint. This is what humans are like in a wild world. They're showing you a funhouse mirror of humanity. They're like animal people that eat each other, they're all made of grossness, nestness. Oh, I remember what I was saying. Do you guys mind if I go back real quick? That's how the brain works sometimes. Because I reminded myself. Now I made myself forget again, because I asked for permission. And that is bad, because that's like like a stop point for you. If you have like.. overarching permission, which you clicking onto this podcast is giving me overarching permission to just fucking verbal diarrhea, then you can do whatever you want. But at the end of the day, you can always click the fuck out of this part. podcast and I can just keep going. So me to ask an imaginary fucking person that's not there for permission, that's adding empathy where empathy doesn't need to be. Oh, shit. Okay, we're adding like, um, extra stuff in. Now I'm looping it around you. We're adding extra layers of this, like, empathy for empathy's sake, and that is detrimental. You can't have like, empathy is not just like a fucking rock you can hold. You know what I mean? Empathy is an action. It's not like a thing that you can have. It's something that you can exhibit. And some animals do exhibit empathy. That's the point I was trying to get back to from a second ago. Some animals do exhibit empathy. I've seen dogs give fucking bones to people. I've seen dogs give treats to other dogs. I've seen cats give fucking toys and treats. Maybe at the end of the day, there was some kind of like ulterior motive. Like, maybe the cat brings you a toy because it wants you to play with it. That can't really necessarily be seen as empathy, but at least there is the recognition that there is more outside of the self. This is actually a funny thing that I had noticed earlier about the recognition of more outside of the self. When my cat was a baby, every time I itch behind her ear, she would flap her leg because I realized her thought process must have been when I feel this sensation, my leg is moving. And if I feel the sensation, that must mean my leg is moving. I'm the one doing it. Because if I'm feeling the sensation, that she sneezed a second ago and it was so cute, and I just I have to bring attention to it. Sorry. She's playing around. She's doing her cat thing. Um. I love my cat. Anyways. She didn't have the conscious awareness that if she can feel a sensation that she doesn't have to be the one creating it, so when I create a sensation in her body that she typically created herself, she thought that she was the one creating it and so her leg would move. But now as she's getting older, I noticed I can itch the same exact spot and her leg doesn't move as much. Or this is even cooler. I itch the same spot. She goes to move the the leg, opens her eyes, sees that it's me itching the spot, closes her eyes again and relaxes the leg and lets me itch the spot because she has the conscious awareness now that I am one that takes care of her and like we're bonded in such a way. I love my cat. But I was talking about zombies today. I already have an episode about my cat. If you want to listen to me, you fucking gush about my cat, go check out the fucking episode titled Cats. That's why I name' the way I name them. I was talking about zombies today. Yes, zombies are like a mirror for society, but it's a funhouse mirror, and it's like, if this was a wild world, this is how people would treat each other. And the zombies are an analogogy and then the people are an analogy. And I've said it three or four times now. So if you don't know what the analogy is, then, then you are on the same theory of relativity as me. Hell yeah, brother brother. Let's fucking go, let's get this. We're on the same wave. All right, let's fuck. um. But the thing about, like, mirrors is, like, we're presented this mirror of this is a funhouse mirror of zombie apocalypse. And then we all start thinking, like, oh, man, if I was in zombie apocalypse, like, I'd be kicking ass right now. I'd be fucking killing motherfuckers and taking names left and right, man. I carry around a fucking kana like that chick from The Walking Dead.. And we get all fucking, like, crazy about it. We get all, like, kill crazy. And it's like, that is an innate part of all humans. We are animals at the end of the day. And some, like I said a minute ago, sometimes animals have a more limited capacity to show empathy in that means that, like, okay, you could poke a dog two times, and it would fucking, first time, it'd be like, all right, don't poke me. Second time time, it would snap at you like, yo, what the fuck? Don't poke me. That's a limited capacity for empathy. It gave you the one time that was like, okay, I understand that this is like another being and shit, but it, you know, that second time, empathy went away and it went, nah, man, you're another being, I'm another being fucking chong fucking respect my other beingness. The moment you start fucking asking for respect for your other beingness, you're not really displaying empathy anymore because empathy is about how you, the act of coming outside of yourself, I suppose. So as soon as you kind of like close off and snap off and you're like, say somebody is like complaining to you, but then they start complainingaining so much that it's starting to bother you. As soon as you get to the point where you go and you turn around, you say, fuck you, I don't want to listen to you anymore, that's no longer display empathy.. Some motherfuckers like to push you to that point, though, man. They look at massive thing. As humans, we should have a higher capacity to display empathy, but, like, you know, some people have just as much as a dog and some dogs have just as much as people. We're all kind of running the same mammal hardware at the end of the day. But supposedly a person should you poke them once, twice, three, four times. fourth time, we have the ability to openly communicate without snappingpping our teeth. So we go and we say, hey, why are you poking me? Because we understand their other beingness, and we understand that they're an another being with their own thoughts, desires, and motivations.. So we ask them, and then that's like a further display of empathy, and it's to the point where you where you, you ask them to give you a reason and then they keep poking you and then you snap and you're like around nine or ten Like, you after your communication, that is a display of higher thought. And the zombie hypothesis supposes that what if there was something that somehow like a virus took away our higher thought capabilities, and turned us into empathy, lacking, gnarling, snapping, adrenaline fueled animals that are fueled by nothing but the desire to consume. Because at the end of the day, like, we have all of our happy thoughts and we have our masks and our faces and our characters that we, you know, portray. But at the end of the day, that's what being alive means. It means you must consume. Ugh, that dude, that fat kind of bothers me sometimes. We must consume in order to live at a most basil level plants do it. Everything that is alive must consume.. Because even plants, though they create their own food, they take in water, nutrients, and carbon dioxide to create this food. They're still consuming raw parts. And at the end of the day, when you eat, that's all you're doing is you're consuming raw parts. Like if you got a vial of fucking carbon atoms that were digestibly fucking be able, you'd be able to digest it because you could get a vial of carbon in it. Actually, fuck yeah, you do People eat activated carbon all the time when they make you got to throw off. Yes, if you go to a hospital and you at something and you're not supposed to eat, like bad food or whatever, they give you activated charcoal and it makes it absorbs all the shit shit in your stomach and it either makes you throw up or they give you something to make you throw up extra, like another kind of medication. But if you're ever sick, activated charcoal. I think that's also something you do if your dog eats chocolate or something like that. Don't quote me. I don't know how many times I got to say, don't quote me. Do your research. Google stuff. Be a smart be a smart guy here, okay? I believe in you. We can do this. I'm dumb, too, sometimes, but don't take everything at face value. You know what started happening to me lately? Because I've been like quoting these like couple of few facts for a few years. Like, Here's one of them. Accutaine gives you green bones. I've been saying that shit for years, dawg. I've been like, I got green bones. I got green bones because I took Accutine. I said it the other day, and then somebody was like, really? I don't I don't believe you." And I was like, I fucking Googled it years ago. Fuck yeah, like, bitch, like, I'm gonna go Google this shit right now. I'm gonna fucking make you eat crow. I'm going to Google it. It said, Accutating does not turn your bum screen. And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, I've been quoting this shit for years. It said, and then that's the thing about it. You can't like, pull up a screenshot from years ago where that shit was right. And that's why the internet sucks low key. Like, unless you took a screenshot, you're going to have a hard time finding the data that supported your earlier claim. because they can just change shit whenever they want. Continuing. Apparently, it is an antibiotic that you are given before you take acutane, because that's how acne treatment goes. First, they give you top oficals and then they give you an oral antibiotic. And it's the oral antibiotic that stains your bone screen. And then accutane is some like experimental procedure where you have to like sign a piece of paper and get your blood drawn like once a week and your fucking skin turns to like, oh my god, it gets so dry, dude. In the then you can only take it once. Like, you can only do one treatment. That's what signing the paper is they're like, dude, if you do this and it doesn't work, like it was an experiment dog. You're not going to be able to try it again. It worked for a minute. I still have some like cyst. This isn't about acne. But it is about zombies. And sometimes I had the type of acnes it'll make a motherfucker look like a zombie. That has some scary acne. I'm so glad I took acutaine, so maybe we do. This is an ad for acutaine. If you tried the antibiotics and nothing's working, dude, I'm telling you, accutaine is the shit. It targets your sebaceous gans, so they produce like less oil or whatever, and basically it kind of lets them shrink over time time. Minor Connell, you know, swell it up again, but nothing, you know, a little self-care won't take care of. But it's the antibiotic. It's a triricyclic antibiotic or whatever. And I'm quoting this right now, this might change in a few years. It might just be the few people that they autopied just had green bones. It might just be that, because that's the only reason that I know about this was because it was a fucking report from somebody who did autopsies, or not autopsies, but they worked in a funeral home doing the cadaver preparation. And they said that they would see green bones from time to time, so they looked into it. And that's how they got the answer of Accutaine. This is I came across it when I was researching Accutaine myself. Black, I said, man, do your due diligence, do your research. But that guy was misquoted. That guy was misinformed, you know? We also don't know if also some people just have green bones, you know? Maybe some people just have green bones. And they're saying like, oh, bones are supposed to be white. That must be like. And then they look at their medical records for a similarity between all of the bunch of them. And they're like, oh, they all took this one antibiotic. That must be wood. Stay in your bone green. And slowly over time, the information will change. And that's, like, what we are as a society right now, sort of partially. We're all working together. And information changes over time because new things, new discoveries come to light every day, because there's everybody working together. There's different people in different places observing different kinds of things because of the theory of relativity and shit. We all got our own consciousnessness. We're all observing different details. Other people are going to bring forward details that others don't know. That's why, like, like rehashing shit, you know, like, between different people is sometimes good, because other people will give you input that others aren't giving you. But that's the kind of a problem. See, even with them myself, is like, giving input is hard. Especially because, like, we struggle with that empathy circuit. You don't know, like, especially if you've received, like, harsh criticisms in the past, you know how bad harsh criticisms feel. So you yourself are going to then be weary of criticizing anybody just as harshly. But that's the thing is you will hand out a few criticisms trying not to be harsh and you try to like, I don't know, make it sound good and then you end up still insulting people. Like, people still get their feelings hurt because at the end of the day, some people just are looking to get their feelings hurt and they go looking for criticism so they have a good excuse to have their feelings hurt. And there's no nothing you say or do can change the outcome because they want their feelings hurt and they pick you to hurt their feelings. And no matter what you say, they launch that loaded question at you because they want their feelings hurt. Those situations suck, and it makes you retract your words. It makes you not want to speak as much. It makes you not want to ever give people input or criticism or even like constructive criticism. Because you say criticism and then suddenly it sounds really negative. But I've had really great constructive criticism. Like one time I had a conversation with somebody and I was like, wow, you like the way you talk is so different compared to everybody else. And he's like, well, yeah, that's how you're supposed to have a conversation. And it was like a criticism on like how others have conversations but also at the same time, like I saw it as an area where I need to grow. And he was like, yeah, dude, you've had some bad examples of people having conversations with you. And like like this is how like a healthy conversation should look. And I was like, wow, holy shit, that's what a healthy conversation looks like. That was the type of criticism that I received, but it wasn't necessarily negative criticism, but it was a criticism that helped me learn and grow. And sadly, not everybody who looks for criticism is always wanting to learn and grow. Like I said, some people just want their feelings hurt. Not everybody wants to learn, change, or grow because learning, changing, and growing is hard and difficult and you're uncertain of yourself. Whereas when you have your feelings hurt, you're pretty certain that your feelings are hurt. Like, I've been like, I've been pretty fucking upset in my day. And I've, like, no matter what, I'm like, duke, yeah, my feelings are fucking hurt right now. I'll try to change my mind. I'll try to do something else. I'll try to be like this, that, the other thing. But I'm like, nah, man, my fucking feelings are hurt. Like, you just feel it underneath everything else. You're putting on an outside, but.. Whew, yeah. Um.. I don't even.. Just start a bitching there for a second. I was talking about zombies. Where the fuck did that all come from? But that's that's Adam has a podcast. You know, sometimes we go into tangents here about having our feelings hurt? Why was I.. That's the thing too. Sometimes when you open up and you've opened up in the past, and it's been fucking like, shot down or it's just been like, not met the way that you thought it would be met? Or like, it's just. shit to you're expecting it to go right and it fucking went left. You then kind of build up this little wall thing inside of your brain and you go, ah, I don't feel like opening up anymore. And you kind of detract. And I ignore the fuck out of the brakes. Fucking look at me, drive. Look at me anywhere, look at me on my fucking skateboard. I ignore the fuck out of my brakes to the point at which my subconscious has to step in. And it's like, all right. time to take over the conscious mind and it'll fucking clear the slate. It'll shake the etcha sketch. And I'm like, huh, where are we? And I know that it's doing it and I'm like fighting with my subconscious the whole time to try and keep like the conscious stream of that energy going. But it's very difficult. It's very weird when like you think about thoughts as electrical signals because that's all it really is. And that's all really a zombie virus would do, would interfere with the electrical signals in our higher thinking, and kind of drive us into our primal desires. It would drive us into our subconscious. And at the end of the day, depending on how much of your brain dies back, um, how much of your consciousness may be left is a question. Uh, because they say like, um, certain parts of your brain house certain parts of your consciousness. And if there's a zombie virus that targets all of this, then you would start losing some thoughts and you just become an animal. Not is the point at which we're looping back now. This funhouse mirror they present us says this is what it would be like, and then we all hark back. Yeah, that is what it would be like. And we're all like, I can't wait for a zombie apocalypse. I shouldn't say we because fuck you guys. I'm not part of that. I think the coolest part of any zombie apocalypse media, and I think everybody can agree with me on this, are the survivors. fighting for a civilized life, trying to rebuild society. That's what makes a zombie apocalypse who movie. Without Rick in the gang, The Walking Dead would have just become the Walking Dead. It would have just been zombies. They would have been no story. Everybody would have been dead. There wouldn't have been a final stand of humanity trying to rise again from the ashes like a phoenix because there would only be zombies. And I don't know, do zombies eat each other, we don't know. That would be maybe the movie to explore. Once there are no more humans, then what? What are the zombies do? And I think there was a movie like that. I forget the name of it right now. It's like Cold Hearts or something like that. But it suggested that, yeah, the zombies fucking won but they still had their consciousness somewhere in there. And once they had won, they had gotten bored, just like how humans do. Oh, yeah, in the end of this movie, I'm not going to spoil it. Fuck it. I'm going to spoil it. The cure to zombieism was like love because they all had cold hearts. Ha ha, brunts. But really, though, like, that is the message that the zombie apocalypse movies have been trying to show us that, like, dude, community matters. Love matters. This human connection between two humans is the only thing that really matters in a world where everything is fucking falling to shit. And we as humans feel like that sometimes. We feel like the world, or at least our personal world, is falling to shit. So that's, I think, why zombie movies are so popular. because it gives us like, oh, yeah, like, that's how I feel. Like, it gives us an analogy to the way that we feel. Instead of just having these, because I don't even have words for it either. I don't think there's a word for it yet. It's like... the feeling of the world falling apart, but everything around you is going okay. I'll call it. fecalastrophe. Because it's it's a shitty catastrophe. It's a fecalastroprophe. It's a feeling. I don't know. I just made that up right now. Maybe we'll put that one on the drawing board. We'll come back to it. With this fecal trasty feeling, is something that we can all relate to. Something we can all say, fuck yeah, like, in a zombie apocalypse, I would fucking rule the day and fucking kill up a whole bunch of zombies, but why are you killing up the whole bunch of zombies? What's your reason? Some people really fucked up people answer' because I like fucking killing up zombies, dude. I fucking red. Those are the people, that's a red flag. Those people, they they're having a hard time integrating the animal fucking higher consciousness circuit. And the mirror, the funhouse mirror of the zombie apocalypse, kind of revealed that a little bit. Some people say, well, I want to, you know, protect my family. Duh. Those are the ones that kind of see empathy, integrating that higher thinking circuit a little bit better. And then, you got that fucking third option that I haven't talked about. The one that we haven't seen very many movies of. Actually, you know, fuck it, we probably have. I am Legend? Those people that when the chips are down. Fucking, you got.. I did blackjack analogies before. What other kind of analogies do I have? I did poker and black black. all the we know when to hold them and when to fold them. I don't have an analogy. I'm staring at my vapor right now. Like, I want to vape that. That's addiction. That's the. That's the zombie circuit right there, man. That's the zombie brain. Out of sight, out of mind. Too bad this thing was fucking staring at me. I'm trying to quit. Maybe that's why zombies are a good topic. to talk about because nicotine sometimes makes me feel like a zombie. And I'm fat. I'm raging against dying of light right now, man. We're fighting this apocalypse, but right now I do just take f fuck great.. But those people, when the chips are down, they're still trying to help everybody else. They're still trying to fucking come up with the cure to this shit. They're not trying to fucking kill the zombies. They're trying to cure them. Even still, that is like, dude, I know that you are the enemy right now, but I'm still going to try and save you. No matter how much you attack me, no matter how much you blow up my lab and shit, I'm still going to try and see it. Yo, I am Legend. I watched that movie way too young. I'm pretty sure I've talked about this story. Like, one time. I watched that movie with my dad for like the first time, and it was late at night, and we used to live in, like, Massachusetts where there was some woods. And fucking soon as we finished that movie with all the screeching zombies and shit, there's fucking coyotes outside like,ep, yep, yep, yep. Oh, dude, that shit was crazy. I was like, dude, no, it's real. I'm like, well, it's fucking real. And I went, ah! Oh, that shit was fucked. Oh. I think, now that I'm thinking about it now as an older adult, maybe he had a really loud sound system, so maybe the sound of the zombie screeching called in the coyotes because it did sound pretty similar. Think about it too. Like we've never seen full wide scale, like zombie outbreak before. So anything that we assume a zombie would be like is an amalgamation of things that we've already seen in the world. So maybe they did use fucking coyote screeches in the sound recording booth. to make that recording. And maybe that's why, you know, it picked up on a certain frequency that only coyotes can hear. But yeah, the coolest part of any fucking zombie movie is the part where empathy wins the battle at the end of the day and where humanity. See, I'm letting empathy win the battle right now, because my cat was just trying to climb into a drawer, and I'm just gonna open it for her. You know, I've gotta open it to a baby. I just gonna put you inside. Anyways. when empathy wins out over the animalistic instincts, that is the coolest part of any zombie movie. And you want to know how I know that? 'Cause any fucking zombie movie that exists has that part. There is no zombie movie unless you have the guys that're trying to fucking come together and rise above it all. And I think that's the part that we don't really focus too much on in zombie movies. We focus on all the griness and the oh, it's so gross and the horror and the jump scares. But at the end of the day, this is a funhouse mirror. And what we're seeing right now in the reflection is all the scary parts of humanity. And the thing about a mirror is you think you can't change a mirror. You think what you see in that mirror must be real because it's a reflection of reality. But it's a fun house mirror. You can straighten it out. and make it a more accurate depiction of what reality is. And once you straighten out that mirror, that more accurate depiction of what zombie movies are.! Man, that holds a lot more weight than the frou fr that we all get caught up in all the scary, you know, scariness. Some people, too, when they get scared, they get scary. So some people, they see these zombie movies and then they become doomsday preppers and then they get real fucking paranoid and shit and then go and dig a bunker Or maybe even too, they just they just become a dick. They get scared. So then they become scary because they don't like being scared. and I don't want to be scared anymore, so I'm going to get scary. That's why I don't watch fucking scary movies because I don't like getting scared for fun. I know that when I get scared, I'm the kind of guy that gets scary back. So I avoid scary movies because I don't want to be in that fucking kind of fucking hairy, scary fucking mood. Like, dude, in college, I had a roommate, and he fucking read that he, like, he had three books. And one of them was like, Helter Skeletter like the other was like Mein Kampf. And I was like, this motherfucker is scary. All he did all day long was just like play Destiny 2 and just sit there and just stare at the scream and just fucking. He had friends on the game. But yeah, this dude was a little scary. Definitely, like, why are you bringing those books to school and shit? But when you get scared, you don't want to, like, sometimes too, like I said I'm a kind of guy, like get scary himself, but when you get scared, like man I fucking saw his bookshelf and I was like, I do not want to be that guy. I don't even want to have those books in my digital library. I guess, too, that shows some part of me that I'm afraid to confront some part of the deeper, darker depths of humanity. But I have done enough confrontation of the deeper dark and death depths of humanity. I know what the fuck is down there. I don't like it. I know I don't like it. I can fucking. I'm pretty sure that I know what's in the Helter Sckeletter book and I'm I'm pretty sure that I don't agree with Charlie Manson. Maybe he says some really convincing and charismatic shit, but that is what, you know, that convincing stuff and that charismatic stuff is what allowed him to build a cult. So why would I ever want to learn that shit? Even like, sometimes like I'll learn shit and then I'll start, like, I'll be, oh, I don't want to use that. But then I subconsciously integrate it and then I start like doing it and I'm like, whoa. shit, what the fuck? So I don't even like like what you consume is what you become. So I don't want to consume fucked up shit because that'll make me more and more and more fucked up. Which is why I kind of straight away from horror movies in years past because it was becoming overwhelming. But now that I haven't watched a zombie movie in fucking forever, I'm finally understanding the true point of zombie movies underneath all of the fear and the fucking scariness and everything. And maybe, maybe my roommate, he understood shit a little bit better than me. Maybe he could understand shit. Maybe he had different shit that he needed to understand because that he definitely had some issues that I had already worked through in my own way, but I could see him working through them in real time in his own way, too. And I was like trying to, when you see somebody doing their work, it's very difficult because you want to help them, but also at the same time, you don't want to knock them off their path because you want to see where that thing goes. I have a feeling that happens to me a lot. Help me, Jesus Christ. Fuck, dude. What the fuck? Maybe.. Maybe you need to express consent. Oh, to fuck it help me. Help me. I don't even know a kind of help I need. If you if you're like seeing me and shit and you think like, man, I could help you, I got fucking give me some of that criticism. Do not be afraid to give undue criticism, because I'm the kind of guy that will understand shit from a fucking weird perspective where I don't get insulted and I guess that's weird nowadays, because everybody loves taking offense. Everybody loves getting insulted so they can then, I don't know, ride some kind of adrenaline rush or something. And it's like, I don't know. Adrenaline's weird because it can mimic higher consciousness, but it it's not really necessarily higher consciousness. It's like a faster speed at that. And speed isn't always good, man. If you've driven, you know, speed isn't always good. You hit 80 in a fucking shitty car. You're going to get a speed waffble, dude. Your fucking shit's gonna start getting fucked up. Like, if you do not have a car that can handle speed, your wheels are going to come off. We've seen the videos. There's people on the highway going like 60 and they' fucking just randomly their tires shoot off and it's like,. Yeah, speed is not always good. An adrenaline is pretty much that.. And I totally understand being an adrenaline junkie, but also at the end of the day, like, um I have allergies, like, really bad ones, and I've had to take adrenaline shots before. Like, EPP to the thigh type feel. So I know what adrenaline in its purest form feels like. and it you can't think clearly through it. like you'll try to put together a thought, and you can put together a thought. The dots will connect really fast, the circuits will fire, But it's not exact the true thought. It's not exactly a whole thought. It is just a part of a thought, the quickest way to get a thought out kind of deal. It's useful at times, but you don't... need it all the time. And like I said, like I used to be an adrenaline junkie. Some people can get addicted to that shit. So then they go on the internet fucking commenting shit, trying to start fights so they can be sitting there typing at their phone because that is the modern kind of zombie that we have now. We got nicotine vapes, we got the fucking phone addicts. We got. Our dopamine circuits are being used against us, and we're being turned into zombies. So this is that point now where I said, you know, I'm trying to fucking put my shit down, I'm trying to quit. Yo, we rally. It's time to come together as humans. It's time to fucking rise against all of these addictive natures and become more than that which we are. Become that which we know we can be. And it's difficult, man. It's fucking hard. I'm gonna be pissed as fuck. It's like, I'm trying to to find a way to put down nicotine without, uh, like getting so upset. And I think that's just like the kind of like analogy of like a zombie is like a zombie is like addicted to eating fucking brains or whatever. And when they don't have brains, they just get all fucked up and angry and they start thrashing banging their heads against a wall. And if it comes to be that they're out of brains, like you ever play like The Last of Us and there's just those zombies that are just fucking like dead standing there like my only purpose is for brains. And they're just standing there for nothing. And then they have no existence outside of brains and eating them. That is what I feel like nicotine is. Yo, key, yeah, nicotine fucking eats your brain. Nicotine is like a zombie poison drug. We say like, oh man, what if there was like a virus or something that would turn us all into these like crazy creatures that had no empathy? Yeah, there is shit like that. You ever seen a fucking.. teenager lose their faith, dude? Shit is whack. The fuck is will crazy, dude. Let's start flipping out. Start tearing up a car. I'm guilty of it myself. I'll, yo, where's my vape? Where is it? Where is it? I can't find it. Where is it? wholele time it's like, under my ass or some shit. I'm sitting on it and I'm like, ugh. But dude, I'm just, it makes you so crazy that you don't think of the most obvious option. And that is like adrenaline going back for a second. Makes you kind of crazy that you don't think the most obvious option. And isn't it kind of crazy that our own bodies produce these kinds of things? So to take like an outside substance to make your body produce that thing? Well, that gives you some kind of level of control over it, but at the end of the day, that was a pretty difficult thing for me to understand. I'm not taking more dopamine in. I'm taking a substance that will cause me to release my supply of dopamine to the point where if I don't resupply the dopamine, I'll run out. And that's no good. dopamine deficit is no good. You can't do anything. That's when you get depressed.. I didn't understand that, and I still don't really, like, fully understand it. Like, dude. Okay. You eat food. The food would provide you with the nutrients to create dopamine. So then you hit nicotine. But the nicotine releases extra dopamine. And then you keep hitting the nicotine and you don't eat, you don't eat anymore. So then that supply from the food that you did eat runs out and you're empty. When you hit nicotine again, it won't give you more. It's not like there's dopamine inside of the nicotine. It just fits itself into the receptor and kind of like turns on the switch, but the switch is empty, so it just kind of sits there in the switch and kind of keeps it on. Yeah, some wack shit. I didn't understand until I started trying to put it down. And that's like, why I think those zombie movies were like, they're trying to understand the virus, you know, they're trying to actually cure the people. I think that hits a little bit harder. Like I said, I am Legends the only one that I can call up to mind right now because that one hit hard as fuck. They had like, dude was willing to die just so he could make it so nobody else could go through what he went through anymore. That's heavy. That's a man right there. That's a legend right there. It really makes you want to be more. But at the end of the day, you do have to look in the mirror and you got to address what's there in that mirror. What is here? You got to do a quality assessment. You look in the mirror and you say, okay, well, what is that here? And the thing about mirrors is they tell you you can't really change what you see in the mirror, but you definitely can't you can't change it overnight, you can't change it very fast. Even when you get surgery, you'll be fucking fucked up and ugly and swollen and disgusting looking for like a month or so. You might come out of it prettier at the end. But even when you get surgery, dude, you still kind of you look look fucked up in the mirror for a little bit. If you can change what you see in the mirror, but you'll be a little fucked up for a bit. You'll be like, As long as day after day, you keep fucking doing the things that make you feel better, that you think will aid you into becoming the person that you want to see in the mirror. and eventually, one day you'll look in the mirror and you say, oh, who's that fucking stud right there. I do that sometimes from tong to Tom, I catch myself in the mirror. I'm like, who's this fucking hunk? When did I get so hot? I'm like, I don't I don't understand when it happened. But it's just day after day after day, I kept trying. I kept putting it into the work. I kept fucking, you know, doing my little exercises here and there. And that's the thing. That's what that was that zombie movie, Cold Hearts was all about. It was like this one zombie, he became like less of a zombie because he was like doing the things that he used to do as a human. And that led him to the path where he could fucking find love somehow. But they're being loud outside, so I'm gonna take a little break. I'm feeling a little out of breath. They really hit an hour that fast. It's kind of crazy. Light work. Subconsciously, I'm having this feeling where I'm not making any work. Like, I'm not doing anything. And I'm just looking at it, like, damn, I did that pretty fast. Like, the amount of time it took to record didn't feel like it took that long, but it had been that long. I think that's why I repeat myself a lot in the podcast, because I don't have reassurance. I don't have somebody going, uh huh, for me to move on to the next point. I have to give myself my own, uh huh. to fucking move on on to the next point. And right now, I'm stuck in my head like,D I say that yet? Did I say this yet? Did I say that yet? What I really want to fucking do is smoke smoke a debong. There's this weird thing I noticed. When I smoke weed and I'm under the observation of other people, I cough really bad. But when I smoke weed by myself and I'm under the observation of myself, I don't like cough that bad, or if at all. I can, like integrate the marijuana properly, but if I am out in public, I somehow can't integrate it. Like, maybe my lungs tense up on, like just the slightest level. Something in my body tenses up under the knowingness that I'm being watched. And it makes me cough. Hell a heck a bad. I like to smoke a lot of weed. That's another thing that turns you into a zombie. It's really what it is at the end of the day. That's probably why zombies movies are so popular. I think I said this a moment ago, but, you know, Noah has. No one to stop me and say, hey, you fucking already said this, you stupid putz. There's definitely been people that offered to be guests on the p podcast.. We'll reach that point. We'll get there. You can be guests. I'll have you one. I'm just overwhelmed just fucked right now. I'm stuck in zombie mode. That's my problem is trying to access my higher consciousness and just feel so cut off for me because of all these zombie things, and I've learned how to operate with, like, no neurotransmitters. put it this way. I take I tried to take SSRIs back when I was like 18. I took a whole slurry of them. And what we found out is I'm allergic to SSRIs. Either that means I'm allergic to the fucking... whatever it is that they're using to antagonize the serotonin or maybe it is, I'm allergic to serotonin itself. I'm very fucking low tolerance to serotonin. and, like, I enter serotonin syndrome really fast. And then I enter like fucking anphlaxis and allergic fucking tightbeat symptoms, but yeah, it's kind of fucked up when you take a pill. Oh my God, dude, I remember I took a Prozac and it, like, as it passed my lips, my lips started getting itchy. And I was like, that's weird. Did I touch something that I'm allergic to? And then I was like, oh my my way to school to fucking college for the day. And I was, I had to take the, it was my like first day, so I was taking an Uber there because I missed the bus and I was in the Uber and I was like, and my mouth started watering and that's my, that's my number one sign that' like, oh, fuck, I'm having an allergy attack. And it started watering way too much. And I was like, fuck. So I got there. I had to fucking hawk a mad lug. I got to the train station, but I was at the train station. And dude, yeah, fucking brain chemistry is such a fuck with. Because I was having an allergic reaction. Also, like. implied trauma? Is that a good fucking word? Constantly making your children seek for permission for the fucking littlest of bodily autonomy is retarded. Also, like, in school, making children ask for permission for bodily autonomy is. I shouldn't be using that word. I mean, I can technically use that word. But I'm trying to be better because we have to come together as a collective whole to be better as a whole together. It's not right, though. You shouldn't fucking make children ask for permission for bodily autonomy. I don't know what you'd call that past experiences that provided fucking a conundrum in the future. What the fuck would you call that? I feel bad calling it it is what it is. What else would you call it? A past experience that provides you a fucking panic attack in the future. I called my fucking dad before I used my EpiP. I was like, I think I'm having an allergic reaction. He's like, yeah, you sound like it. Fucking call 911. What the fuck are you calling me for? But I had just been trained over time by school and home to always ask for permission before you make a big move. So then I went to the fucking train station. I had to go into the bathroom because I had to take off my pants and I had to lay on the floor and piss card train station bathroom at the pen my thigh. All because of a pill that I took. And the crazy thing about it being a pill is that this is what I was so worried about in the moment was. It's a pill. It's already inside me. Like, it's it's congensed, it's concentrated. I don't know what I'm allergic to in this pill. How is it gonna fucking get out of me? Like, is it gonna kill me? So I called 911. They took me to the hospital. Um. But yeah, dude, I'm like allergic to fucking serotonin itself or some shit. Like, I'm allergic to fucking happiness. Which is funny because I'm such a jovial, goofy dude, because it's probably why I like opamine so much, because it's the form of happiness that I can endure. But yes, I have like learned how to operate on the tank always being empty. And I recognize that, like. empty environment and lack of neurotransmitters as my consciousness. I recognize the, like not the neurotransmitters that flow from the circuits, but the circuits themselves as being the whole of the brain, which is then my consciousness. mad shit to try and explain.. But I've learned, like, I've brought myself to consciousness from that awareness of an empty slate. So then when we started. adding in neurotransmitters and being able to dial them in on demand, like with nicotine, that shit was wild, fam. Because inside of my brain, as I grew older, it was like this noise kind of grew louder.. And it's kind of like a pain. But it's also like a statick-y kind of ringing, and then like it's like a frustration. It's like a, it's like people are talking to me and I can't think and I can't catch my breath. and nicotine was the first thing to ever provide me relief from that. It provided silence, like, true silence. Like, I would always be bothered by how much my ears could pick up on inside sound and it would like put me in this weird little bubble where it would silence everything else out. My brain would just feel tingly and buzzzy and stuff. And that was like what dopamine was, but what I was experiencing was like dopamine at a lower scale, so I didn't understand what it was. See what I'm saying? Like, I brought myself to conscious awareness so I knew what the circuits were like, but when the circuits wereiring, that created noise that I didn't understand. So when like, there was the neurotransmitters flowing, I didn't get it. So I flooded it with a lot of them, and that kind of cleared the slate again. That would allow my brain to operate from this zero point perspective where there was like, okay, there's such a flood of everything that there might as well be nothing. and then then I could think clearly again after that. But then it came to a point where I don't get that kind of feeling from nicotine anymore. And I'm kind of on the opposite side of the spectrum where now nicotine is starting to give me that little kind of headache, that little kind of like, I can't think kind of feeling that I used to get from just existing. So it kind of cured it for a little bit, but at the end of the day, it revealed things about myself and revealed deeper things to help me on my journey, but it is just a tool on my journey. And the point at which a tool becomes the whole journey is the point at which you become a slave or a zombie to the tool. And I have been slaves and zombies to tools, and I don't like it. I have worked for the traders of these tools. and I don't like it. I don't like seeing everybody's bright happy face or upset face turning to a bright happy face after they get what they want from their addiction. I've worked at many different kind of like addiction supply places and the same kind of cycle is always rings true no matter what the substance is. And it kind of always sets me a little bit, especially those people that come in that are just like me and they're like, I'm trying to quit. I want to quit. Like everybody says it at the end of the day. and it kind of hurts my heart. And that's why I'm fucking here, dude. I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of my heart hurting. We got a fucking rally, brothers and sisters. Gentlemen and ladies. people of all race, creeds, colors, and kinds. Let's rise against all of this fucking horseshit doo da bull bullshit, zombie like behavior. Let's rise against all of that fucking animal type behavior, because, you know, when you point, like I said, when you point that funhouse mirror, some people in response to the fucking zombie animals become human animals themselves. That's not the fucking point of the zombie movies. The point of zombie movies. And that's why those guys usually always fucking die, FYI, BT dubs. You ever see those fucking dickheads in the zombie movies that are like, I'm just out for me? They usually get fucking left behind because everybody's like, all right, you're just out for you, but All right, fine. Goodbye. And they're gone and they're left behind and they get fucking eaten or some shit. Or like the first guy that they push into the fucking horde to save themselves because nobody in the group fucking liked them and everybody was okay with that decision. because even you as a fewer are like, yeah, fuck that guy. But then there's some people out there they're like, oh, fuck, why did they kill him? That was my guy. Not to fucking keep dogging on these people. But there's a fucking glaring message here that you're missing. You're never gonna fucking hear this shit probably, but dude, dog, please. Don't feel fucking empathy for that guy that's a fucking asshole. That's where empathy can become destructive because you see yourself inside of somebody and you think that that recognition of self is empathy, but it's not. It's a recognition of self. And you mistake it as empathy and you go, oh, dude, dog, that's that's me. Fuck you, I'm rooting for that guy. And then it turns out that everything goes fucking left for that guy and you're like, fuck, you're so upset. Oh, fuck, Matt, I'm so mad. It was my guy. Why did they do him like that? Everybody else in this group sucks. And you don't see that other perspective of everybody else in the group of, like, heyey, yo, dog, you suck, and we don't tolerate this kind of behavior. But the fucking thing is, is those those were a small subset of people a few years ago before COVID. COVID, fuck with our fucking minds, dude. We got to rally. We got rise. We gotta fucking come together. Come on, guys. guys. We're the zombie survivors. We survive to the fucking apocalypse. We have to rebuild society now. We've already been through the apocalypse, okay? We did the zombie thing. We did the enemy's thing. It's time to come out of that now, okay, guys? Come on. Please, please, please come out of this now. It's fucking weird at this point. It's been like four years. Come on. Guys gotta come out of yourselves more. And there's this thing, there's this new trend where people are like blaming others for not coming out of their shelves. I have to come out of my own shell too, man. We all got to do it. We got to do it together. I'm talking about my own problems, and the only reason that these problems are evident to me and then I'm talking about them is because they're my problems. I'm self-referential right now. I'm self. What the fuck did I just call it a second ago? Realization. Actualizing? Self- actualizing. Fucking therapy jaring, dog. I don't fucking know. But at the end of the day, like, we as a society have been trained by these movies and media, and then we went through an event. But the event wasn't as catastrophic as movies in media make it out to be. Might have been on a personal level, but on a wide-scale level, maybe not, maybe on some areas and some places. But we all have that kind of zombie movie training. And some people are still, like, stuck in that shit and there's still like, we still have like subconscious scars of it as well. Self isolation is not good. Very few people can handle self isolation and come and go from it as I do. I am built different. I was made like this from the start. I'm sorry. I'm the type of person that really benefits from self-isolation. There are others like me out there. Some people really benefit from it because they got fucking shit to think about and they need the space and the time to think about it because then things start making sense later, like me and my realization of zombie movies. I haven't, like I said, I haven't seen them in years, but now I'm starting to get it. Other people, they can't handle that space. They haven't done the other fucking work beforehand that it takes to get up to the point where you need that kind of self-isolation. They're still wrapped up in their egoic identities and their fucking relations to others. And if you define yourself on your relations to others and you define yourself based upon like what you provide, like I am a worker who is a husband and I drive an Audi and I make $500 million dollars a year. Once those things go away, you are no longer no longer know how to define yourself. So as soon as we took away the social structure, a lot of people didn't know how to no longer knew how to define themselves. And then they became little weirdos while they were in isolation. But then now we're trying to return back to normal, and they remember being little weirdos while in isolation and how free they let themselves be. So now that we're back from isolation, they're like having a hard time trying to cope with who they used to be and who they're becoming, which is the exact shit that I talked about in season one, which is why I've been doing this shit the whole time. Hello, I am deeply connected with myself, which allows me to be deeply connected with the world that large, and I see the movements of the current, and I say to you, Hark now, brother, stop thyself and thine dying of the light, and reignite your soul with the fire of the Lord., Fuck. It's really easy for me to become a preacher. Maybe I should be a preacher or some shit. Like, yo, there's God shit's not easy because that's something that provides me hope at the end of the day. Me and him, me and her, me and it, we tight, you know what I'm saying? Me and the all knowing being, we are one with and that is which all are. You know what I'm saying? Like, you are to everybody is. It's just the level at which we recognize ourselves within that is how okay we are with that. And zombies are the rejection of that. Zombies are the basal survival instincts that we have with the things that we have attributed to basal survival instinctss. Because we're not gonna talk about community being a survival instinct. Well, we're not gonna talk about how being part of a collective is actually far greater for survival than being an individual, and that's why society is have succeeded over fucking, like, say, animals that lead solitary nature and lives, like cats. Like, if cats could come together, they could rule the world, man. They got mind control powers, they got fucking cuteness on their side, they're fluffy, they're fur leay cats already do world the world. Christ. Oh, this little baby's sleeping in a drawer, and she just looks so cute and I. But I'm not gonna bother her, because I know she's served her rest. She has such a hard life being a cat. I'm sleeping all day. But anyways, I think that was a good chat. I don't know what. I had stuff, so here's the thing. I tried not to do for season two for hey, you gotta do what you could do sometimes. I scripted out like a whole fucking thing in my head. And I'm like, did I hit all the points? I'm not going to know if I hit all the points. That's, you know, I should write this shit down. ha I learned that at the end of season one. I had a whole bunch of shit written down, but I was like,Yo, let me get back into this shit. Let me just go have some fun. Let me just record a good one, put it in the thing. And that's it at the end of the day. We're done. We had a good long conversation. It's been about an hour. That was my hour with me. That was my hour with you. It was good. I hope you had a nice catharsis. I hope you learned to rise against the dying of light. I'm realizing now, too, that I made this sound like a call to arms. That's not what this is. This is like a call to arms to yourself, like a call to your own hire calling. Like, if you feel like you're not being who you know you can be, be better, man. And if you know that you want to do some shit like, quit nicotine, that Okay, yeah, fuck yeah. This is a call to arms then. If you want to quit nicotine, fuck yeah, this is it right here. This is your This is your fight song, brother. If you want to quit fucking smoking weed, if you want to quit any, anything else, those are my two things that I deal with. I don't think I want to quit smoking weed, but nicotine's definitely like on the list. But if you got other shit that you're dealing with men and you want to fucking quit that shit, quit that shit. Fucking stop being a zombie to your slaves and desires. I don't really talk much about, like, actual zombies. I know a lot of information about, like, actual zombies. I said something earlier where like, we've never had like a widespread outbreak of zombie virus, but we've had localized outbreaks of like magic related zombie fucking shit.. Some real Scooby-Doo type shit. Like, there's some science behind some of it. There's this, like, pufferfish venom. You can use pufferfish venom, dosed in the right way, can put you in a sedated state where you're almost dead deathlike. It's almost deathlike state for like two or three days. I remember seeing that you know what? This is one of those quotes that I'm quoting it from fucking information that I learned years ago. I remember seeing that on a thousand ways to die. And I don't know if that's real, because this dude was trying to fake his death so he could get his life insurance money so he could run away with his mistress and leave his wife. But his mistress didn't dig him up so she could take all the money herself or something. Or his wife or something like that. And then he woke up from the toxin and died in the ground. And I was fucked up. I should not have watched that as a kid that definitely helped make me a way more paranoid person as I am now. But also, um voodoo, they can use certain kinds of drugs. And there's also, like,... I'm not going to, you can get this drug actually pretty easy. I'm not going to.. There's drugs you can use. I'm not going to like.. What is it, like purvey information? I'm not gonna convey. Pervey or convey? I'm not gonna. Survey. Disseminate. I'm not going to disseminate certain information, because fuck you. I don't fucking trust you people. You don't get to deserve to know the things that I know. Like, the other day, I wanted to know how to make a bomb, just for shits and giggles, I felt like, like, what's something that I want to know that I could never Google because it would definitely put me on a list. This is going to get me put on a list right now, but I'm pretty sure I'm already on several.. And I was like, yeah, I want to know how to make a bomb. So I asked my subconscious, how do I make a bomb? And then I said, okay, that's up to you to think about subconscious. And then I dismissed it. And then like a week passed, and I randomly woke up at like a chemical formula in my head, and I was like, chemical formula. And I went, that's fucking weird. Why did I just spit that out? And then I was like, oh, fuck, that must be it. And then I went and I Googled it and it was it. And I went, ah, fuck yeah, that was it.. So that was a really cool fucking experience for my brain to suddenly, like, go through the catalog of information and pull out the exact fucking formula I needed, and then bing, there it was. Like a week later, like a fucking search result, an old timey computer. That's cool. I didn't know I could catalog information like that. But yeah, there's a certain kind of drug. It's the new age drug extracted from the voodoo drugs. because there were these certain kinds of plants that you could give somebody and it would turn them into your zombiebie. And they kind of studied that and they extracted this one thing. and it makes people very susceptible to command. You just listen to whatever people tell you. Which is really fucking scary. That's a terrifying thing.Cause there's been times where I've been, like, so tired that I know exactly what the fuck, like they're talking about, like, so tired that somebody's like, go do this. And you're like, okay. But also at the end of the day, sometimes I get so tired that I'm like that episode episode of SpongeBob where I'm like, I don't want. That would be the worst fucking zombie, dude. I'd be a fucking lazy zombie. They'd put me to work as a zombie worker and I'd be like, eh. I'm not gonna do. I'm lay down and take a nap. Start whipping me. I'd like, fuck you, I'm taking a nap. Fucking movie. Yeah. So anyways, yeah, um, don't be a zombie, man. Don't fucking, like, be like that, okay? All right, good talk. Have a good rest of your day, man. Keep it easy out there.,, is breaking heart taste taken over here causes silence We must be. It's the same old deep since 1916 in your head, in your head They's still find out with their tanks and their bombs and their bombs and their guns in your head, in your head There are your head in your head in your head,om, it in your head in your head,